Drunk Capt. Karl and the imaginary AMFF

[Foggy]

I'll say this, he'd better step up his game and get it going NOW instead of waiting until spring.

Remember, once they vet everybody and load all the tons of supplies they need to bring (helpfully described in detail by John P. Capitalist above), it's still more than 2,000 miles to the northern Atlantic from the Great Lakes, depending on where you start. On an armada the size of this one, it'll take WEEKS to get to any place pleasant in the Atlantic. By then, the millions of people who are dying like flies from the vaxtermination will be getting insanely panicky, and they'll try to stop Krap'n Karl and his merry armada before they can even reach the Atlantic!

I know I will, anyway. My Mighty Mighty Fogbow Galactic Special Forces Combat Ranger Seals will be strategically placed along the St. Lawrence Seaway, lying in wait with special Armada Torpedoes.

They shall not pass!

[Estiveo]

Feel free to add verses...

The Wreck of the "Captain" Karl Koenigs
(with apologies to Gordon Lightfoot)

The legend lives on of drunken old clown
Who is laughingly mocked as Fat Rambo

A captain (pretend) who has only one friend
A bearded poltroon nicknamed Lambo

With a snoot full of booze, Rambo wants to go cruise
The Atlantic and lead an armada

But with no ship to choose, it's a desperate ruse
To flee old warrants out of Nevada

His Op-Vec won't float so he needs him a boat
But he spends all his money on liquor

As big spenders go he's all talk and no show
So stealing a boat might be quicker

[Foggy]

And I love the word Armada because people think it means a fearsome gigantic group of ships, but the Spanish Armada was really one of the most epically idiotic military disasters of all time. The really short version:

It was an invasion of England, along the English Channel. None of the ships got near landing on English soil until the tides had carried them far north and around the western side of the island.

And then they weren't invading, they were smashing to flinders and drowning and stuff. That's some of the most inhospitable coast and just plain shitty weather in the world, a super-dangerous place to sail.

Only about a quarter of them survived to reach Spain again. The Spanish Armada accomplished absolutely nothing, except to destroy some very poorly-designed Spanish ships and brutally kill a whole bunch of Spanish sailors.

So I larfs when I sees a car named the Armada. Wow, really impressive name.

Same goes for Krap'n Karl's Armada. I wish his a similar fate to its namesake.

[Azastan]

I don't think the imaginary AMFF would be sailing the St Lawrence Seaway, because for one thing, he wouldn't be welcome in Canada.
So looking at the map, he'd have to leave Lake Michigan by going north and going through Lake Huron, down through Detroit, and get into the Erie Canal, winding up eventually heading down the Hudson. He has to register his boat, because he needs to unstep his mast to get through the Erie Canal, and that means using a motor to get through the canal.

I seriously wonder if he's even realistically calculated any of this (rhetorical question, no need to answer), because this isn't a spur of the moment 'let's go for a cruise for a couple of weeks'.

[Foggy]

Yeah, hmmm. We may have to redeploy. I'll have my adjutant liaise with the fierce warriors in the 699th, and then I hear Rusty and the Colonel will throw in a few companies of troops. We should have all the exits covered, then it's up to Krap'n Karl to select the field of battle.

[Luke]

Estiveo!

You all are missing something HUGE. #FatRambo secretly has this in his arsenal for the AMFF Armada. This alone will solve all the problems addressed by JPC, Scir, Foggy and the rest. With this secret weapon, Karl Koenigs is bound for success and glory! Yes, it can only be one thing that can bring the Kaptain to his knees in respect and admiration, a hero in his own mind, a Commander so important even our Foggy went to pay homage to him, a master navigator of the seven seas, a personal favorite of the Village People... Hint: Here endeth the lesson!* You guessed it:

► Show Spoiler

Walt.JPG (35.02 KiB) Viewed 1283 times

Walt 3.JPG (84.1 KiB) Viewed 1283 times

IIRC, this is Estiveo's favorite photo of him and indeed, it's a distinguished classic:

Walt 2.JPG (96.33 KiB) Viewed 1283 times

A year or two at sea should give Walt ample time to explain in great detail The Madisonville Hoax so Karl can really, deeply understand it! Here's a link to a long, long archive of stories about The Madisonville Hoax... if this comes together, I propose we put a fund together to print out, inartfully collate and defectively staple every one of these stories from the Post and Email so Walt can actually read every one of them to Karl. Imagine the fun they will have.

And remember, Walt Fitzpatrick gets RESULTS! Remember in 2017 when Sharon Rondeau breathlessly reported that Walt's Treason Complaint would arrive at Noontime? And we all know what happened. Together, Karl Koenigs and Walt will be a force to be reckoned with... this is going to require Re: Justice with Lt Col Root Beer, Lt Biscuit & the 699th Airborne Assault Dachshund Regiment based at Der Dachshundbünker!

Fitzpatrick Dispatches Treason Complaint Against Special Counsel Mueller to AG Sessions
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
WILL ARRIVE AT NOONTIME THURSDAY, JULY 27, 2017
by Sharon Rondeau

(Jul. 26, 2017) — On Wednesday afternoon, LCDR Walter Francis Fitzpatrick, III (Ret) swore out a criminal complaint against Special Counsel Robert S. Mueller, III directed to U.S. Attorney General Jeffrey Beauregard Sessions, III with delivery to Washington, DC guaranteed by noon on Thursday.

https://www.thepostemail.com/2017/07/26 ... -sessions/

Imagine Karl, Brand, Walt & the mighty AMFF Armada singing this powerfully and in unison as they navigate the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean:





* He finally started spelling it correctly on his blog. See, it only took a dozen years!

[Foggy]

This could work ...

I know it would be a treat for Walter to be aboard ship again, and ... y'know what? Since a couple hundred million Americans will be dead and rotting in the streets, and the population of every major city in this great land of ours will be down to about ZERO, instead of some stupid unarmed noncombat useless luxury yacht, Walter could steal a US Navy destroyer or sumpin'! A SRSLY deadly warship, WITH BIG GUNS like Krap'n Karl wishes he had.

And if'n he stole a whole destroyer, ol' Walter would FINALLY be placed in COMMAND and elevated to the rank of Commodore Fitzfundfilcher. Everybody salute, por favor.

Oh yes, this changes the whole nature of the enterprise, it sure does.

This calls for a sailor song!

♪ ♫ Oh, I've got sixpence,
Jolly jolly sixpence,
I've got SIXPENCE,
To last me all my life!

I've got twopence to spend, and
Twopence to lend, and
Twopence to send home to my wife (poor wife)!

No cares have I to grieve me,
No pretty little girls to deceive me,
I'm as happy as a lark, believe me!
As we go rolling rolling home!

Rolling home! Rolling home!
Rolling home! Rolling home!
By the light of the silvery Moon!
Happy is the day, when the Navy gets its pay,
And we go rolling rolling home!

Hmm. I oughta make a YouTube and put it in the Music Free-for-All thread ...

[Mr brolin]

Now the traditional phrase that Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance, seems to have eluded these cretins.

Let us use our imaginations, let them run wild.....Yes children....it comes to pass....The Great Vaxtermination has happened, The Mighty Armada has (quite literally) miraculously survived and they return to the promised land.....

The one with hundreds of meeliuns of the dead....mostly in urban settings, who, let's be honest, would not have "gone quietly into the night".

So lots of looting, breakdown of law and order, arson without anyone to control it, no power, no active water or sewage systems, then a year or so of Mother Nature, storms, wind, rain, lightning, tornado's, hurricanes etc....

Then there is the Armada..... median age, based on apparent demographics, probably mid 50's or higher, education.... well, probably not rocket scientists.... Probably few women and of those, probably unlikely to be many or any in prime child bearing age range.

Oh and lets not forget, the ones who survived this, who lived through it, will not take kindly to strangers going to steal the dwindling "old" resources or hard won "new" resources. And I'm afraid Mother Nature and Darwin will probably have selected those who will have no compunction on removing Cap'n Crunch and his band of idiots.....

[Foggy]

Yeah, but do you see any possible downside?

[Azastan]

The one with hundreds of meeliuns of the dead....mostly in urban settings, who, let's be honest, would not have "gone quietly into the night".

So lots of looting, breakdown of law and order, arson without anyone to control it, no power, no active water or sewage systems, then a year or so of Mother Nature, storms, wind, rain, lightning, tornado's, hurricanes etc....Probably few women and of those, probably unlikely to be many or any in prime child bearing age range.

Not to mention, assuming that they've survived, they will return to a land where hundreds of millions of corpses are still rotting above ground, with packs of feral Xdoodles roaming the land.

[Foggy]

Yeah, who wants a fancy schmancy 200 foot long $50 million dollar yacht if there are a bunch of dirty servants lying around dead all over the place and stinkin' up the boat? Where do you find some unvaxed servants to clean up the vaxed dead ones?

[Luke]

My only concern is if Karl and Walt take this magical Adventure of a Lifetime together, it's almost guaranteed Foggy will lie and say he's unvaxxed so he can go sailing with them. But at least Fogbowzers will be sure to take care of Wifehorn (until the VAXTERMINATION, anyway). Karl is def the naval officer in the In The Navy clip, Walt won't like it but it's Karl's mission. Walt can be the Cop. I'm seeing Foggy as my buddy Randy Jones, he's the Cowboy. The plan is really coming together!

Rusty wanted to let everybody know some logistical details:

Rusty, America's Squirrel @RustyMerciful 44m
Replying to @Orly_licious @scirreeve and 2 others
Let Fogbow know there's also a way to leave the Great Lakes without using the St Lawrence Seaway. You can actually take canals south of Chicago that will link up the Illinois River, which takes you to the Mighty Mississippi.

Shared Mr. Brolin's thoughts on how Karl Koenigs' Adventure of a Lifetime™ may play out.

[Luke]

So much good is coming out of Karl Koenigs' Adventure of a Lifetime™

COL Burl Falconcrest, AMFF Commander @RyanLankford
Replying to @Orly_licious @RustyMerciful and 2 others
AMFF personnel have been hard at work ensuring sustainable food security for our Navigator Squirrel Company (NSC from here on out.) We developed the best genetically modified corn that can grow using only the crap Karl spews on Telegram as fertilizer. We may solve world hunger!
1:00 PM · Jan 24, 2022·Twitter Web App

Here's Rusty's plan:

Rusty, America's Squirrel @RustyMerciful
Replying to @Orly_licious @scirreeve and 2 others
We plan on plundering & pillaging the S.S. FatRambo and peeing on whatever we can't haul away.

[johnpcapitalist]

A small diversion from the derisive mocking of Krazy Kapt. Karl, with a serious thought:

I'm intrigued by how apocalyptic Karl's current thoughts are. This is new for him. I'm wondering if we'll see this becoming increasingly common among the drooling, conspiracy-laced far right.

But I'm even more struck by how this is coming into alignment with millenarian Christian sects, particularly the Jehovah's Witnesses. They have always been an apocalyptic sect, predicting the end of the world in 1918 (and a whole bunch of times since). They have been putting out a lot of material lately about how Angry Macho Jesus will come back Real Soon to smite the 99.98% of humanity that aren't Jehovah's Witnesses. Some of their leaders seem to get positively aroused when telling their flock that they'll have to spend decades burying all the rotting corpses of nonbelievers before they can enjoy the earthly paradise that they're promised. In other words, members will have tons of time to say "I told you so!" to the rotting corpses of all those who mocked their beliefs or laughed and slammed the door when they were evangelizing.

JW's and poots seem to be all about revenge on the powerful at some point in the future. That's understandable, given that JW's are the least educated and lowest income of major Christian denominations, and they're increasingly stridently against higher education. "I can't do anything about these mean non-believers in this life, but they're going to get theirs in the next life, and it's gonna happen really soon!" In other words, it's a religion of resentment, just like extreme right wingers whose motivation is to "own the libs" and "take back our country, by force if necessary."

[Foggy]

I'm intrigued by how apocalyptic Karl's current thoughts are. This is new for him.

You're very right, JPC. I mean, he has had apocalyptic claims before, the collapse of the dollar and the economy, but does he seriously, honestly believe that anyone getting the vaccine will die from it? A horrible conspiracy that would require thousands and thousands of evil ne'er-do-wells to implement it, and for what? I still can't see the benefit to anyone of 2/3 of the American population dying. Does he really think we're doing it so we can have a lot of free real estate and free boats lying around full of decaying dead people? Gosh, I could own as many homes as Mitt RMoney, can you believe it? 'Course, they're all a little smelly at the moment ...

I do want to know if he honestly thinks hundreds of millions of us will die from the vaccine. Because that's ... awesome, if he does.

[TheNewSaint]

At this point, I think Karl is mentally ill. He thinks he can command huge numbers of people to take part in his silly missions, even though he seems to have alienated most of his closest friends and family. And I've never seen him plan anything this high-commitment or self-destructive before. He can't even get one person to come to a simple courthouse protest, and he thinks he can order millions to live at sea for two years? If anyone on earth still cares about this man, they've got to be telling him to come back to reality.

[scirreeve]

I did a weird creepy thing today. Was looking for a pic of Karl's boat but failed.

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[pipistrelle]

At this point, I think Karl is mentally ill. He thinks he can command huge numbers of people to take part in his silly missions, even though he seems to have alienated most of his closest friends and family. And I've never seen him plan anything this high-commitment or self-destructive before. He can't even get one person to come to a simple courthouse protest, and he thinks he can order millions to live at sea for two years? If anyone on earth still cares about this man, they've got to be telling him to come back to reality.

I think he’s alcoholic but nothing more. He doesn’t believe anything he says. He just like spewing and having fun if anyone seems to believe him. He has managed not to sleep on the streets as he appears to have done in Florida.

[Luke]

We'll know soon enough, #FatRambo has painted himself into a corner with the #AMFFArmada. Mar/Apr is coming soon, Karl.

Might have found another #AMFF Armada recruit for Karl! Maybe the secret #AMFFArmada password is “My car is not a car. My car is my wagon, with wagon wheels.” Gotta jot that down.

Urine-Drinking Anti-Vax Leader Now Claims He Needs No Driver’s License
‘MY CAR IS MY WAGON’
Zachary Petrizzo Media Reporter Updated Jan. 25, 2022 12:45AM ET / Published Jan. 25, 2022 12:42AM ET

Anti-COVID-19 “Vaccine Police” leader Christopher Key, who has set out on a cross-country road trip with the end goal of conducting citizen arrests of Democratic governors, says he doesn’t need a driver’s license, despite operating a motor vehicle. “I travel,” Key told The Daily Beast late on Monday evening, making the pointless distinction between “traveling” and “driving.” “My car is not a car. My car is my wagon, with wagon wheels,” he continued, insisting he doesn’t need a driver’s license to operate his car, which is currently wrapped with graphics claiming the COVID-19 vaccine a “bio-weapon.” “You only drive if you are committing commerce,” Key added. “The only people that need a driver’s license are truck drivers, Uber drivers, FedEx drivers, but if you understand your constitutional rights, you have the ‘life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.’” The anti-vax leader, who swears by drinking copious amounts of his own urine, added: “I am a free man living on the land.” “There is no crime,” he said when asked about the possibility of police pulling him over and asking for a driver’s license. In the United States, where Key is “traveling,” one must have a valid driver’s license to operate a motor vehicle.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/christoph ... itter_page

[scirreeve]

LOL - I posted that nutz' stuff on some other thread a few minutes ago. 1st time I heard of him was at the Red Pill thingy in one of the Dakotas last summer when Whalen "interviewed" him. Then he showed up at Screwie's AZ nonsense a couple of months later. Google informed me that he was the nutter behind several athletes getting busted for the deer antler shit. Christopher is a piece of work.
https://www.si.com/nfl/2013/01/29/stran ... s-athletes

[Luke]

Every Fogbowzer needs to pick a pal as their "Mentor" -- like, of course, Foggy has his pal Amy Kremer. My pals are the titular Mama June, her lovely sister Doe Doe, and Ali Alexander Akbar... Scir, you have a few, you're so friendly, seems like Bow Wow and Karl are both your pals. Bob has a lot of pals he "Mentors", from the three remaining birfers to Rharon to the geniuses at Constitution Association.

Maybe Christopher Key can be Estiveo or TRL's pal, seems like they'd both get along with Chris and be wonderful Mentors.

JPC is already "Mentoring" his pal Anna Von Strudel de la Pop Tart, as always, he's a Fogbow model and inspiration for us all.

Anybody want to "Mentor" Brand Thornton? He might be a rough one.

Maybe it should be its own topic, Which Pal Will You "Mentor"? Seems like Jem is a natural to "Mentor" her co-Canadian pal, Queen Romana.

What satisfaction.

[Foggy]

Yeah, actually ol' Wifehorn caught me trying to "mentor" Amy, and that was the end of that. It wasn't pretty. Poor Amy will no doubt require many years of therapy. Oh well.

[northland10]

Since Brolin mentioned the phrase of many P's that I recite in my sleep, Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss/Pitifully Poor Performance (I added another P-word and gave the friendly version of Piss Poor for those who are squeamish), I think there is an acronym starting with P that will elude Karl and the Poots.

PFDs

[Foggy]

I think there is an acronym starting with P that will allude Karl and the Poots.

elude

[TheNewSaint]

I think (Karl is) alcoholic but nothing more. He doesn’t believe anything he says. He just like spewing and having fun if anyone seems to believe him. He has managed not to sleep on the streets as he appears to have done in Florida.

It's an interesting question. Karl was serious enough to go to Malheur, even though he was so irrelevant he never attracted any criminal charges. And he chauffeured Ryan Bundy around Nevada for awhile. But we haven't seen that level of commitment from him lately, even though his plans became more grandiose.

Karl strikes me as someone who desperately needs validation. He needs to be the unquestioned leader of his own show, or he needs to have a big role in something important. But he's useless at both. Maybe "mentally ill" is a bit much, but I think it's fair to wonder how serious he is with this mularkey. He's not going to get any followers or make it to the ocean. But he could be invested enough to try stealing someone else's boat, thinking they'll all be dead in a year anyway, and get himself in serious trouble. Or he could find the right collaborator, to push him further than he would go by himself. 99.9% of poots are full of it, but that other 0.1% find each other sometimes.

As for sleeping on the street, Karl's a trust fund brat. Other than the money he has to buy toys and live a life of leisure, he's not much different than the vagrants who live behind my convenience store. I don't know why he didn't just get a hotel and/or rental car when he was in Florida, but I figure a) he was cash-poor, or b) he was trying to make a show of his suffering.