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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#126

Post by bill_g »

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
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Re: Jokes

#127

Post by Foggy »

That list got longer while I was reading it. :mad2:
Out from under. :thumbsup:
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Re: Jokes

#128

Post by Phoenix520 »

Estiveo, Seth Cotlar was one of my fave twitter follows before I was unceremoniously baned. He was on my list of historians, which included Tim Antifasc Snyder, HCR, Teri Kanefield and Kevin Kruse. Turns out, my niece had him one semester at Willamette. She said his class was hard.
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Re: Jokes

#129

Post by Jim »

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy street.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at ...the crosswalk.
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a police officer.
He took her to the police station where she placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, the policeman opened the cell door and said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.
You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do?' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
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MN-Skeptic
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Re: Jokes

#130

Post by MN-Skeptic »

:rotflmao:
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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#131

Post by bill_g »

In Portland traffic, the least polite cars either have "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" or "He > I" bumper stickers.
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Sam the Centipede
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Re: Jokes

#132

Post by Sam the Centipede »

bill_g wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:17 pm In Portland traffic, the least polite cars either have "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" or "He > I" bumper stickers.
:confuzzled: Why do they think helium is greater than iodine?
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Re: Jokes

#133

Post by bill_g »

Sam the Centipede wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:39 pm
bill_g wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:17 pm In Portland traffic, the least polite cars either have "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" or "He > I" bumper stickers.
:confuzzled: Why do they think helium is greater than iodine?
That is a head scratcher, but those drivers tend to be going faster than I can ask them.
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Re: Jokes

#134

Post by pjhimself »

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Re: Jokes

#135

Post by Foggy »

There's more helium than iodine. :towel:
Out from under. :thumbsup:
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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#136

Post by bill_g »

Image
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Re: Jokes

#137

Post by Tiredretiredlawyer »

Sam the Centipede wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:39 pm
bill_g wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:17 pm In Portland traffic, the least polite cars either have "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" or "He > I" bumper stickers.
:confuzzled: Why do they think helium is greater than iodine?
Sam!!!!!!! Long time no see!!!! :wave: :blissy:
"Mickey Mouse and I grew up together." - Ruthie Tompson, Disney animation checker and scene planner and one of the first women to become a member of the International Photographers Union in 1952.
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Sam the Centipede
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Re: Jokes

#138

Post by Sam the Centipede »

:wave: Hiya TRL :bighug:, yeah, I've been reading intermittently but I hadn't had anything to contribute! :(

The shenigans of the current crop of pro-insurrection RWNJs (y'know, Lindell, Squidney, Guiliani, gobshites like them) aren't as cheerfully amusing as the old birther patheticos. While :sick: Orly, Miki :crazy: and their fellow-traveler saddos :loser: :shit: have neo-fascist leanings, they couldn't organize a bad smell with a muck spreader, and that's always been clear. This new breed are not necessarily nastier, but they are more dangerous so less entertaining.

We need more jokes!
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Re: Jokes

#139

Post by Foggy »

Oh mah gosh, citizens, it's Sam with all the Laigs! Howdy, Sam! :wave:
Out from under. :thumbsup:
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Phoenix520
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Re: Jokes

#140

Post by Phoenix520 »

Sam! You am!
:bighug:
We have missed you.
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Re: Jokes

#141

Post by Maybenaut »

:yeahthat:

:bighug: :thumbsup:
"Hey! We left this England place because it was bogus, and if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too!" -- Thomas Jefferson
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Re: Jokes

#142

Post by AndyinPA »

:thumbsup:
"Choose your leaders with wisdom and forethought. To be led by a coward is to be controlled by all that the coward fears… To be led by a liar is to ask to be told lies." -Octavia E. Butler
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Re: Jokes

#143

Post by noblepa »

Sam the Centipede wrote: Sat Sep 11, 2021 4:32 pm We need more jokes!

Here's one: Rudy Giuliani.
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Sam the Centipede
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Re: Jokes

#144

Post by Sam the Centipede »

noblepa wrote: Sun Sep 12, 2021 12:19 pm
Sam the Centipede wrote: Sat Sep 11, 2021 4:32 pm We need more jokes!

Here's one: Rudy Giuliani.
A disgraced lawyer, an ex-mayor, a vile Trump supporter, a hopeless defendant in a Dominion lawsuit, a gullible victim of a Borat sting, and a rambling drunkard walks into a bar …
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RVInit
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Re: Jokes

#145

Post by RVInit »

Sam the Centipede wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:39 pm
bill_g wrote: Tue Sep 07, 2021 3:17 pm In Portland traffic, the least polite cars either have "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" or "He > I" bumper stickers.
:confuzzled: Why do they think helium is greater than iodine?
Sam is back!! :clap:
There's a lot of things that need to change. One specifically? Police brutality.
--Colin Kaepernick
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Re: Jokes

#146

Post by bill_g »

noblepa wrote: Sun Sep 12, 2021 12:19 pm
Sam the Centipede wrote: Sat Sep 11, 2021 4:32 pm We need more jokes!

Here's one: Rudy Giuliani.
Hire Rudy Giuliani. He's total black ink.

If Rudy Giuliani tells you to dress for The Four Seasons, it means wear your dirty pants and boots. And bring some gloves.

Rudy Giuliani is so disgraced now, even the homeless won't take him. He couldn't pass a credit check for a cardboard box in the subway.

The hooker's union said they'd hire him. For a guy his age, he's pretty good at getting down on his knees.
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pjhimself
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Re: Jokes

#147

Post by pjhimself »

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a
Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.


Over a double latte, the Greek mentions

"We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the

Temple of Apollo."


"Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and
Winter Solstices."


"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."


"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."


Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, the
son of Athens points out with a note of finality:

"Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented
the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"


"Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved."
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Re: Jokes

#148

Post by Volkonski »

“If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war.” ― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#149

Post by bill_g »

I just heard this wooshing pass over my head. It wasn't a bullet. Those have a very distinctive zzzz quality followed shortly by a report. This was more like a building ventilation fan came on causing a small gust to brush my hair and blow papers off the desk. That is when work becomes pointless because I'll be distracted by the tiny rattle from the louvers (real or imagined), and I'l be spending time figuring out how to close said vent rather than accomplish something. That's when the mind will go down the whole rabbit hole of buidling design, HVAC systems, quality of life issues, personal spaces with individual controls, the Nobel I'll win, or at least the numerous Leeds Certifications all the buildings I will design in my lifetime will garner ...

And then the computer email notification dings.

Squirrel!
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Mrich
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Re: Jokes

#150

Post by Mrich »

The look on Jay's face...

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