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Jokes

somerset
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Re: Jokes

#76

Post by somerset »

sugar magnolia wrote: Tue Jun 08, 2021 8:41 pm Boiled peanuts are fabulous! We buy the green peanuts in sleeves and boil them all day in the gumbo pot, then make ourselves sick eating way too many of them.

A friend of mine was stationed in Maryland in the 70s and we used to ship him cases of canned boiled peanuts periodically.
Braised groundnuts (aka, boiled peanuts) are a staple in China and Singapore. You can't have bak kut teh without them :-D

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Lani
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Re: Jokes

#77

Post by Lani »

I just had the usual roasted salted peanuts growing up, but once in Hawaii I discovered boiled peanuts were a favorite snack, and chopped peanuts were in a number of Asian dishes. I use them a lot now, boiled or roasted, but am also playing around with cashews and pistachios as well.
Image You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy.
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AndyinPA
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Re: Jokes

#78

Post by AndyinPA »

I don't think I've ever met a nut I didn't like, but boiled peanuts are pretty low on my list.

I just made up some trail mix today--peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, dried cherries, and some pretzel mix. Yum!
"Choose your leaders with wisdom and forethought. To be led by a coward is to be controlled by all that the coward fears… To be led by a liar is to ask to be told lies." -Octavia E. Butler
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Maybenaut
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Re: Jokes

#79

Post by Maybenaut »

I grew up in Tennessee, but I’ve only eaten three things on that list.

But my parents were from New Jersey, so...
"Hey! We left this England place because it was bogus, and if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too!" -- Thomas Jefferson
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Shizzle Popped
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Re: Jokes

#80

Post by Shizzle Popped »

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pjhimself
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Re: Jokes

#81

Post by pjhimself »

A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied, in a loud voice. "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE
NIGHT WITH YOU!"
All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was
deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is
thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?"

The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ..... I`M NOT
PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people."
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pjhimself
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Re: Jokes

#82

Post by pjhimself »

Text to neighbor:

Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I’ve have a confession to make. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I’m telling you in this text and I can’t live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. The truth is that when you’re not around I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently and I know that that’s no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you. Regards, Richard

Neighbor’s response:

Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard, killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.

Second text message:

Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the damned Auto-Correct had changed “wi-fi” to “wife.” Technology, huh? It’ll be the death of us all. Regards, Rich
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pjhimself
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Re: Jokes

#83

Post by pjhimself »

Punny stuff:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job, because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery, because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.
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RTH10260
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Re: Jokes

#84

Post by RTH10260 »

:cantlook: :rotflmao:
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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#85

Post by bill_g »

Insanity does not run in my family.

It strolls. It takes its time to get to know everyone personally.
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zekeb
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Re: Jokes

#86

Post by zekeb »

bill_g wrote: Wed Jun 16, 2021 8:48 am Insanity does not run in my family.

It strolls. It takes its time to get to know everyone personally.
It does not run in my family. I have it all. Well actually....
Il factotum
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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#87

Post by bill_g »

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jez
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Re: Jokes

#88

Post by jez »

Did you know that the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away?
“What is better ? to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort ?”

~Paarthurnax
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Phoenix520
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Re: Jokes

#89

Post by Phoenix520 »

A whim away?
A whim away?
Uninformed
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Re: Jokes

#90

Post by Uninformed »

If you can't lie to yourself, who can you lie to?
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neonzx
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Re: Jokes

#91

Post by neonzx »

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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#92

Post by bill_g »

Last Mother's Day when I asked Mrs what she wanted, she said a restaurant where they make the food in front of you. So, I took her to Subway.

That's where the fight started.
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Foggy
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Re: Jokes

#93

Post by Foggy »

Ol' Wifehorn suddenly said, "You haven't been listening to a word I said, have you?" And I just thought, "Well that's a funny way to start a conversation." :lol:
Out from under. :thumbsup:
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Frater I*I
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Re: Jokes

#94

Post by Frater I*I »

neonzx wrote: Sun Jun 20, 2021 8:31 am Image
Proper urban planning is a necessity :fingerwag:
"He sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see, He tries to tell me what I put inside of me
He's got the answers to ease my curiosity, He dreamed a god up and called it Christianity"

Trent Reznor
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Shizzle Popped
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Re: Jokes

#95

Post by Shizzle Popped »

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"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
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Shizzle Popped
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Re: Jokes

#96

Post by Shizzle Popped »

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"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
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Arthurwankspittle
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Re: Jokes

#97

Post by Arthurwankspittle »

jez wrote: Thu Jun 17, 2021 10:00 pm Did you know that the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away?
Did you know the lead singer of Tight Fit was killed by a shark. Apparently he couldn't whim away fast enough.
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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#98

Post by bill_g »

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Phoenix520
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Re: Jokes

#99

Post by Phoenix520 »

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bill_g
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Re: Jokes

#100

Post by bill_g »

That explains the pile of dead skeeters next to the rock.
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