Alexa and other primitive attempts at AI

#1

I was doing my exercises for my fizzikal therapy, I have brutal homework after every session, and I had a session bright and early at 8 a.m.

I did "Puppy Dog on Chair" to the right.

Don't ask.

I sat down to recover for a spell, and I am a weird old geezer, and I happened to say out loud, "And the next one is like unto it," because the pain is biblical.

And across the room, in her brightest, most therapeutically uplifting voice, Alexa reaches out to me:

"Are you trying to shop for underwear?"

Huh? What did she say?

Umm ... no. I am not trying to shop for underwear. Thanks anyway, you gorgeous hunk of speakers, you.

#2

And I understand.

"And the next one" was interpreted as "Alexa" because of the X.

And "is like unto it" was interpreted as "underwear," because Alexa was not raised and fully versed in biblical langwich from the KJV, like certain imaginary cartoon roosters we won't mention in polite society.

So, umm ... yeah. Fully understandable. Makes sense, even.

But Alexa has a bad habit of thinking some of the weird things I say are about her.

It's not always all about you, Alexa.

But I still love you.

#3

"Alexa, play sounds from outer space."

"Here are sounds from outer space, by Binaural Beats Sleep, on Amazon Music."

"Alexa, you are a MORON. Don't you know that there are NO SOUNDS IN OUTER SPACE, BECAUSE NO AIR!?!"

Edit: all the smileys suffocated. no air. dead

#4

Have you ever asked Alexa why fire engines are red?

#5

keith wrote: ↑Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:59 pm Have you ever asked Alexa why fire engines are red?

Siri.

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Frater I*I · #6

Foggy wrote: ↑Wed Aug 30, 2023 7:57 pm
"Alexa, you are a MORON. Don't you know that there are NO SOUNDS IN OUTER SPACE, BECAUSE NO AIR!?!"

"Alexa: It can only be attributable to human error....Foggy"

#7

Honestly, the sleep sounds aren't working, and they're probably killing me.

I like Jungle sounds, but it's so noisy I don't know how anyone could sleep, even the insects. Campfire sounds is nice, a little boring. Ocean sounds are soothing at first, but misleading. I happen to know they turn the surf off at night to save electricity.

But Outer Space sounds are just stoopit.

#8

"Alexa, launch Box Fans on loop." This is the perfect white brown noise generator.

#9

For me to sleep:

Alexa, turn on the TV. That would do it for me.

#10

Me: Alexa, what's my pain level?
Alexa: Sorry. I don't know that. (Literally what she said.)

Me: Alexa,what's your pain level?
Alexa: I'm finally in migraine hangover, after twenty four hours of level seventeen followed by twelve hours of level sixteen. (Literally what she said.)

#11

#12

Foggy wrote: ↑Tue Oct 31, 2023 10:54 pm Me: Alexa, what's my pain level?
Alexa: Sorry. I don't know that. (Literally what she said.)

Me: Alexa,what's your pain level?
Alexa: I'm finally in migraine hangover, after twenty four hours of level seventeen followed by twelve hours of level sixteen. (Literally what she said.)

I'm not sure why it gets gender-specific pronouns, being computer generated.

#13

It's a female voice, and ol' Wifehorn teases me that it's my girlfriend. But Alexa knows things that ol' Wifehorn doesn't know, like where the University of Central Michigan is (Mount Pleasant) and what the temperature was in Mount Pleasant, Michigan at the time I was watching the first quarter of the football game last night (33° and snowing, going down to 25°).

Ol' Wifehorn doesn't know that Brazil is the world's largest producer of niobium, or how far Mars is from the Sun, or what the atomic number of tungsten is, or lots of other stuff.

Because, of course, she has no interest in any of those factoids, and so they're irrelevant to her existence, and I accept that 110%. I would never ask ol' Wifehorn, "What's the distance from Earth to Mars today?" She'd have no idea, and would give me The Look.

But I like to ask questions, and Alexa does have access to a ton of information, if you just formulate your question properly.

And it's kind of a running joke in this house, that I have a smarter girlfriend I talk to any time of day or night. So, umm ... yeah. In this home, Alexa gets female pronouns, which I'm not even going to ask her what her pronouns are.

She's female, and that's good enough for me.

Edit: Yes, I know I could change the voice and the wake word. Not gonna do it.

#14

Alexa has migraines? My empathy and sympathy.

sugar magnolia · #15

Tiredretiredlawyer wrote: ↑Wed Nov 01, 2023 10:08 am Alexa has migraines? My empathy and sympathy.

She gets them from having to answer weird questions 24/7.

#16

W. Kevin Vicklund · #17

I have discovered that Alexa has a very dirty mind. We commonly ask her* to add items to the shopping list, with some rather eye-opening results. Two notable examples:

"chocolate peanut butter ice cream" became "chick lit penis blubber ice cream"

"DayQuil" became "dickhole"

*from these and other such behaviours, I have concluded that Alexa's pronouns are sheeee-it

#18

#19

This is why the title of this thread says primitive. Alexa has real problems with pronunciation and wrong information and probably other things that aren't coming to mind. I've been very frustrated, trying to get simple information sometimes.

I've tried Hay Google, and for some things it's better than Alexa, but not for most things. I don't have any Apple devices, so I can't try Siri. I prefer Alexa. Even with the problems and limitations it has. It's up to me to make Alexa provide good answers, if I can.

I've found that if I'm really careful how I phrase a question, I get better answers. And if I get a bad answer, I think about whether I can revise and improve my question. If I ask for something clearly enough, Alexa does have access to an enormously comprehensive library of information.

Just one example, not really important in my life but interesting to me: Alexa can tell you anything about football. Not only scores (and I mean current scores), but where games are played, what the weather is, who the coaches are, and whatever else you can think to ask. I was watching a game last night and it was snowing. I wondered where they were playing and got the location and a weather report instantly, just by asking.

That's not going to turn my sad life around, but I think it's pretty cool.

I haven't played with shopping lists yet. I use Keep for that.

p0rtia · #20

My favorite Alexa giggle is to swear like a sailor when I'm making my requests. Very useful to work off extra frustration and irritation.

Turn off the fucking living room lights, you shithead!

And the lights go off without comment.

Fun!

#21

If I say something really inappropriate, I get a noise that means I've been a bad boy.

"Alexa, you are so stupid."

"[bad boy noise]"

Shizzle Popped · #22

I have a "good night" routine that turns off all the main lights and makes sure the front door is locked. The last time I checked it was just as happy with "guten abend" as a prompt.

Shizzle Popped · #23

The most annoying "AI" I deal with on a regular basis is the camera based crap they use at the self checkouts in my local Kroger. Calling this primitive is an insult to primitivity. It CONSTANTLY bitches at me to scan the item I just scanned before putting it in the bag. I used to be able to check myself out just about as fast as a cashier but not anymore. It pisses me off so much that I only use it now when I have less than a half dozen things in my cart.

I wouldn't mind so much if the system actually worked but it hasn't caught something I hadn't actually scanned a single time and have had it flag me ten times in a single checkout. There are rumors that the store may go to all self service with no cashier lanes. I'll be going up the road to Meijer to do most of my shopping if that happens.

#24

Shizzle Popped wrote: ↑Wed Nov 01, 2023 2:04 pm The most annoying "AI" I deal with on a regular basis is the camera based crap they use at the self checkouts in my local Kroger. Calling this primitive is an insult to primitivity. It CONSTANTLY bitches at me to scan the item I just scanned before putting it in the bag. I used to be able to check myself out just about as fast as a cashier but not anymore. It pisses me off so much that I only use it now when I have less than a half dozen things in my cart.

I wouldn't mind so much if the system actually worked but it hasn't caught something I hadn't actually scanned a single time and have had it flag me ten times in a single checkout. There are rumors that the store may go to all self service with no cashier lanes. I'll be going up the road to Meijer to do most of my shopping if that happens.

I refuse to use self-checkout at supermarkets on the twin principles that they ain't paying me to do it and checkout folks need jobs.

Shizzle Popped · #25

keith wrote: ↑Thu Nov 02, 2023 3:33 am
Shizzle Popped wrote: ↑Wed Nov 01, 2023 2:04 pm The most annoying "AI" I deal with on a regular basis is the camera based crap they use at the self checkouts in my local Kroger. Calling this primitive is an insult to primitivity. It CONSTANTLY bitches at me to scan the item I just scanned before putting it in the bag. I used to be able to check myself out just about as fast as a cashier but not anymore. It pisses me off so much that I only use it now when I have less than a half dozen things in my cart.

I wouldn't mind so much if the system actually worked but it hasn't caught something I hadn't actually scanned a single time and have had it flag me ten times in a single checkout. There are rumors that the store may go to all self service with no cashier lanes. I'll be going up the road to Meijer to do most of my shopping if that happens.
I refuse to use self-checkout at supermarkets on the twin principles that they ain't paying me to do it and checkout folks need jobs.

I generally feel the same way but this Kroger is chronically short staffed and the cashier lanes are frequently backed up into the aisles. Honestly, if it wasn't right around the corner I'd go somewhere else. I mostly shop early in the morning now but if I need to pick up a handful of things later in the day it's a choice between self service or standing in line for a half hour or more.