Fogbow

Thanks, all.

My poor Mister. He made stir fry for dinner. As he chopped veggies for the stir fry, he sliced up bell pepper for Hodor. It was only after he had Hodor's veggies ready for him that my Mister remembered little guy is gone.

I suspect we'll be finding stray piggie poos for a few weeks. Piggies are poop factories. Literally.

Lots of us don't have a/c in Hawaii. We count on the trade winds. And when it gets hard, we count on working in a/c offices and just deal with being hot at home. Being a person working at home, I had to buy a window unit for my bedroom, which is now also my office b/c it was the only place where I could install the a/c. My old house has louvered windows, so it's really difficult to install. Now that summer is here, I'm stuck in my bedroom. Again. Until September.

I apologize y'all. I didn't realize folks had responded to my post when I moved it to the weather alert forum.

Here's my post with additional info.


I'm in western Oregon, 100 miles south of Portland. Average temps should be below 80 right now. Western Oregonians are not equipped for this type of heat. Very few have central air conditioning. Those with air conditioning have window units. Approx 35%+ have no air conditioning of any kind. I have a window ac in the bedroom. That's it.

I spent $60 on popsicles and ice cream yesterday in preparation for this weekend. I just bought black out curtains and an additional fan. I have lot's of ice packs in the freezer and added a few bottles of water to the freezer to use as longer lasting ice packs. I bought more ice cube trays so we'd have more ice.

If Hodor hadn't passed away recently, we'd move to a hotel for the weekend. Piggies have to be kept at 65-75 degrees. It would be impossible to keep him cool enough in this heat, even in the bedroom with ac and piggie ice packs.

And under those black-out curtains, cut a piece of cardboard to the size of your windows and tape aluminum foil (shiny side out) to it. Put in the windows foil to the outside and cardboard to the inside. You'll be surprised how it can affect the temp with such an easy DIY.

For comparison, weather.com predicts that the temperature in Shoshone, CA, in Death Valley will hit 109 degrees F. on Sunday.

sugar magnolia wrote: ↑Sat Jun 26, 2021 4:24 pm And under those black-out curtains, cut a piece of cardboard to the size of your windows and tape aluminum foil (shiny side out) to it. Put in the windows foil to the outside and cardboard to the inside. You'll be surprised how it can affect the temp with such an easy DIY.

Excellent idea! That will help in most rooms. The livingroom window is 10x8, so it will be tough to do that for that window.

One reason I left Mess AZ was because of this bullshit!

We've retreated to the bedroom. Jon and I are living on popsicles.

Kyo is a Siamese. She talks more than any other Siamese I've ever owned (or met). It's so freaking hot that Kyo has gone mute.

And .... family shit hits the fan. Please forgive the length of this post. I need to vent.

My sister, Lori, has 3 daughters and 3 granddaughters.

Daughters: Livi, Valerie, Ellie
Granddaughters: Hailee, Zoey, Evee (short for Evelyn)

Valerie is a recovering heroin addict. She is doing brilliantly! At the beginning of her addiction, Val lost custody of Hailee. Several years later, her daughter Zoey was born. Val used when pregnant with Zoey, and immediately lost custody of Zoey.

Baby daddies were doing well. Hailee lives in Mississippi with her father. Zoey's dad has relapsed and he has now lost all custody of Zoey.

Now that Val has full custody of her youngest daughter, she's moving to Mississippi to be with her eldest daughter. Val has joint custody of her eldest, but long distance parenting isn't ideal.

While Mississippi is the worst state for everything, it's good that Val will be near Hailee and both her girls will develop a more consistent sibling relationship.

Valerie and Zoey are going to god awful Mississippi for an opportunity .

When Val first lost custody of her eldest, my sister got full custody of Hailee (Hailee's bio-dad wanted nothing to do with Hailee at the time). Hailee's dad quickly grew up and became a father to Hailee. He shared custody with Lori and with time became Hailee's full-time parent. He and his wife moved with Hailee to South Carolina and then Mississippi.

My sister never recovered from losing access to Hailee on a consistent basis. Lori's reaction to Hailee's move is not typical or healthy for her or our family. While I'm a psychologist, no one needs to be a psychologist to see how intensely unhealthy Lori is about this. Lori's husband has been going round and round about this, trying not to harm their marriage by talking about this with Lori.

So ....

Lori and her husband are moving to Mississippi, and are taking Livi, her husband, and her daughter, Evee with them. Housing prices are obscenely low in Mississippi, but very high in Reno. Livi and her family are going to Mississippi because Lori has offered to buy both daughters houses after they sell their house in Reno.

So why is this a big fucking deal?

My mom is in Reno. All the family except me is in Reno.

It never dawned on Lori that mom wouldn't go with her. She just assumed that my elderly, liberal socialist swine mom would go to fucking Mississippi with the rest of the tribe.

My recently widowed mother can't bear to leave her home, the condo where she and dad spent the last 22 years of their life together. Mom has to move; she's extremely independent but she needs to be near family. There is no way in hell that she's going to Mississippi. I don't blame her.

My job isn't portable. Leaving my job just isn't an option. Mom is going to move to Eugene, which I'm thrilled about. I won the mom lottery. She and I are extremely close. Having her here is a good thing. Truly.

But my mom is unraveling. The intensity of her grief is back to what it was immediately after dad's death. Because of the pandemic, mom has forbidden me from flying until I get a booster. She asked me to promise to respect her wish. I'm going to.

When Lori broke the news to mom a few weeks ago, she said they would be leaving in about a year. Which gave my mom a year to work through this emotionally and sell her condo. On Monday, mom's birthday, Lori told mom that they've decided to move in 6 months.

But wait! There's more!

Lori hasn't told her youngest daughter, Ellie, that Lori, Chris, Val, Livi, Ryan, Zoey and Evee are moving to Mississippi.

Ellie is ... gay. You don't move to fucking Mississippi by choice when your still-at-home daughter is gay.

Ellie wants to go to college in Oregon. She actually wants to go to the Univ of Oregon in Eugene, where I live. But Ellie is still under the impression that she has sisters and nieces to return to. Ellie's dad is in Reno.

Ellie is losing everyone except her dad and his mom.

Lori is essentially abandoning her daughter. While Ellie is 18, she will still feel abandoned. Ellie and Lori had an enormous blow up about a year ago. Ellie lives with Lori part-time, but avoids her mom. Space will be good for them ...

But not like this.

Mom feels abandoned, too. Lori didn't break the news to mom well. She told mom that they're all moving to Mississippi, so mom has to decide where she wants to go. There was no real discussion. Which is unusual for Lori. My sister isn't the most sensitive person with family, but this was handled as badly as it could be handled.

Mom's sense of agency has been trashed. She is devastated. She feels disrespected. She's so angry. This has been out of the blue, and her only choice is where to go. She doesn't have any say on when she has to go.

Lori has every right to live her life. And I agree that she absolutely has the right to make batshit crazy decisions. Mississippi is last in healthcare and education. Until 2 weeks ago they were the least vaxed state in the nation.

I'm so pissed. I'm truly not angry that mom is coming to be with me. I think she and I are better suited for mom's later years. But Lori has no idea how very bad things have become with mom because of this choice and how badly it's been handled. And mom won't tell Lori. She's too hurt and angry to tell Lori how much she's unraveled. I'm not going to tell Lori because it will make this situation so much worse.

And what about Ellie? Ellie graduated from highschool in May. She's working to put aside money for college and I think she's taking classes at the community college. I recommended to mom that she invite Ellie to move here with her. Hopefully Ellie won't feel as abandoned that way, even if she chooses to stay in Reno for a little longer.

My sister needs therapy so badly. And I need some clonazepam.

So sorry!


"

Families are complicated, and can be so dysfunctional.

I have 4 siblings. Haven't seen any of them since 2008. Not in a hurry, either. The next, and final time I see them will be at my father's funeral. No hurry there either.

Hugs to you, Shrinky Lady. You know who will really be OK in your situation? Ellie. She's going to have you in her life, and she will be living where gay people are accepted, and she is really going to be OK.

I have a niece on ol' Wifehorn's side. Her dad was a Twenty Seventh Degree Self-Centered Asshole. He's dead now, darn. Gonna miss that guy. Her mom is the single most boring person on this planet, completely unable to understand anything - and I mean anything at all - that doesn't personally involve her. She has no sense of humor. She isn't interested in the world. It must have been psychologically crippling to grow up in a family with no music, no laughter, and a very limited amount of love. Her parents fought over custody every single year until she turned 18. I don't mean they disagreed. I mean they had extended email wars every fucking year for 10 years after they got divorced. And my niece was just a pawn in the middle of the war.

Wouldn't it be fun to keep fighting like hell with your ex-wife for 10 years after you thought maybe divorce would mean the end of the fighting? I had a weasel of a boss once, his wife left him for another woman And he had a tape of the two ladies plotting to murder him with a car bomb. They seemed nice! But when the divorce was finalized, he never argued with her. He agreed to give her a big role in her kids lives, cause he knew it was best for his kids. I haven't been divorced, but I know how I'd behave if I were.

My niece didn't have even one parent who truly loved her and put her interests ahead of their own. But my wife loves her niece, and my wife made herself into a safe haven, someone our niece could call and talk, and know that we really do love her. And that got her through her awful childhood. Today, my niece is a Ph.D. physical therapist, and she has a wonderful husband who is a software guy for Starbucks. They have a sturdy and intelligent 3 year old boy, and a girl baby is due in February. We spent 5 days visiting them in August, and it wasn't long enough.

So here's my suggestion: I'm always saying, I can't save everybody. I can't even save all the people I like. I just do what I can, and move forward. But YOU can save your mom, and you can save Ellie. If those two are the only ones that you can save, do that and be grateful.

Families, sheesh!

I got lost at "car bomb."

My family is so less interesting.

Foggy is right! Ellie has a safe haven. Your mom has a safe haven. There was no "due process" here. That is frustrating and enraging at primal levels. Feel free to vent more as this progresses.

Yeah, my point is, one good aunt who really loves you can make a yuge difference in the life of a young lady. We couldn't save ol' Wifehorn's brother, and we couldn't save our sister-in-law, but we sure could save our niece, so that's what we did. From here on out, it's payoff time for us. Do you have any idea how much enjoyment my wife gets from visiting her?

'Course, you gotta set limits and all that. But I see Ellie as the big potential winner here, with LM K's mom right behind her.

"I don't want to leave the condo where your dad and I lived for 22 years!"



I got nothin'.

I have a slightly older brother who is an annoyingly loving and nice person (and so is his wife).
His children and some of his nieces who lived nearby are roughly the same ages and they spent a lot of time getting along fine together. When one of the nieces was a young teenager out of the blue she told my brother that she wished he was her father - not a spur of the moment comment or passing thought. Being who he is, apart from probably being somewhat flattered, almost in tears he told me it was one of the saddest things that ever happened to him. Families…

Thanks, y'all! Damn, it's dusty in here!

I needed a reminder that all family are nutz.

Ellie and I are extremely close. If she was my age, you'd think we were twins separated at birth. She's very introverted, analytical, intelligent, sensitive, mature, and feels safe with me. Thank dog. I love that kiddo and I hope she comes to Oregon soon.

I spoke with Mom last night. She agrees that it's best to be with me in her elder years than with my sister. That's not an insult of my sister at all. Lori adores Mom. Mom and I are just better suited together, esp if she's going to live with one of her daughters. Lori is impatient and has a short fuse. I'm the opposite.

Lori has lived in the same cities with my parents for almost her entire adult life. I haven't lived near my parents since I was 19. I moved to Eugene for college and never left. But I've always wanted to live near my family. I really am excited to be with my mom.

I think I'm bothered that Lori didn't tell me about this personally. This would have gone much, much better if she and I had put some ducks in a row before she spoke with Mom. I think Lori truly thought mom would follow her to Mississippi.

Mom just can't, and won't, go to Mississippi. The deep south represents everything she loathes. And she's lived her entire life in the west. She and dad married when she was 17. She was born and raised in southern California. They spent the early years of their marriage in Monterey, CA. For her, the ocean is part of her marriage. She won't leave the west. I live 45 minutes from one of the most beautiful coastlines in the world. I've repeatedly promised to take her to the coast regularly, regardless of season.

I frequently tell my mom that I will respect whatever choice she makes about where to move. She's been adamant about not going to Mississippi. But she does believe me when I tell her that my feelings won't be hurt if she changes her mind and wants to go to Mississippi. She has appreciated that, but continues to house hunt here. She's not going to Mississippi.

Because my mom is in her later years, flying isn't easy. I doubt she'll visit Mississippi, and if so, just once or twice. Lori will visit, but I don't know if mom will see her grandchildren again (except Ellie). Maybe I'll go with her if she wants to go to visit the family. I don't think it's dawned on Lori that Mom might not see her grandchildren again.

But Lori thought mom would go with the tribe. She knew mom might choose Oregon, but I'm certain that she assumed mom would go to Mississippi.

Lori and I have a strained relationship. We were estranged for several years ... her choice, not mine. We've come back together, but I still walking on eggshells around her. We try. We really do. She's glad we're not estranged. But like most families, the short fuse controls so much.

Part of this fiasco is covid. Lori has seen too much suffering and too much death. I can sympathize, but only those in healthcare can empathize.

I think I feel disrespected. This is life changing for me. I've reached out but have heard nothing. There are a lot of logistics to work out. But I think Lori feels extremely guilty about how she's handled this with mom. I have no intention of being confrontational. Her choices are her choices. I think it's fair to expect her to acknowledge that this affects me.

But who knows. Lori is who she is. And she doesn't handle intense emotions well.

If I had children and grandchildren, would I better understand this decision? I wanted children; it just wasn't possible to have children.

Maybe Lori doesn't really realize what she's putting mom and Ellie through?

First,
Second, couple of points. Lori's decision sound impetuous, at the very least. I wonder if this move really will be permanent when reality hits her in the keister once in Mississippi.
Second, your mom and Ellie being physically closer. That sure sounds nice for all three of you. What a wonderful support system without any close interference by Lori. A bad way for this to happen, but possibly, in the end, best for mom and Ellie. Get them settled and content and just hope Lori, when she decides to move again, doesn't move to Eugene.

I'm a family counselor for my own personal shrinky lady!

No wonder I'm always teetering on the brink!

Is Lori going to MS to be with “her tribe”? Like-minded and all that? That’s what comes to me, that the pandemic has so widened the gulf between the two sides of this stupid culture war that your sister, who’s been through hell, honestly, just can’t, anymore. If that’s the case, she’s gone, LM K. You might see her again, but I’m afraid her hostility is only going to ratchet in one direction.

My oldest brother and I have gone through some shit. Politically, we’re on the same page. But he was devastated when i was named executor of the family trust. I couldn’t understand, to me being executor was drudgery. Getting death certificates, dealing with insurance companies, yikes. We agreed to share executorship and he came down 1 year before my time was to end and persuaded me to let him start then. And then he cut me out of everything. The updates he gave us were bogus but we didn't know. When our step-mom died and the trust was dissolved, we found out. He was always so sure that if he had enough money he’d be a brilliant investor; sadly, no. He and i barely speak. But I still love him and if he needed me, I’d be there.

Ellie living with Mom sounds ideal. How does your mr get along with mom and Ellie?

Hang in there. Lori is the loser in all this. If she and your mom were close before, Mississippi’ll be a hard transition without her. Tant pis.

Phoenix520 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 23, 2021 6:40 pm Is Lori going to MS to be with “her tribe”? Like-minded and all that? That’s what comes to me, that the pandemic has so widened the gulf between the two sides of this stupid culture war that your sister, who’s been through hell, honestly, just can’t, anymore. If that’s the case, she’s gone, LM K. You might see her again, but I’m afraid her hostility is only going to ratchet in one direction.

My oldest brother and I have gone through some shit. Politically, we’re on the same page. But he was devastated when i was named executor of the family trust. I couldn’t understand, to me being executor was drudgery. Getting death certificates, dealing with insurance companies, yikes. We agreed to share executorship and he came down 1 year before my time was to end and persuaded me to let him start then. And then he cut me out of everything. The updates he gave us were bogus but we didn't know. When our step-mom died and the trust was dissolved, we found out. He was always so sure that if he had enough money he’d be a brilliant investor; sadly, no. He and i barely speak. But I still love him and if he needed me, I’d be there.

Ellie living with Mom sounds ideal. How does your mr get along with mom and Ellie?

Hang in there. Lori is the loser in all this. If she and your mom were close before, Mississippi’ll be a hard transition without her. Tant pis.

Lori is very progressive; the entire family is progressive. Which makes this weirder.

Lori wouldn't be going to Mississippi if her daughter wasn't going. But having a daughter and 2 granddaughters away from her is unbearable for her. This is impulsive. That's not typical for Lori. But it's what has happened.

I think this is a manifestation of trauma.

Lori has a romanticized view of the south. She's never visited Jackson. She's driven through Mississippi, but that's it. Wtf? At least visit a place before you move by choice.

My Mister is thrilled that mom and hopefully Ellie will be here next year. He hasn't spent much time with my mom, but he adores her and she adores him. Mister's mom had a devastating stroke when he was 14. She survived, but was bedridden and couldn't speak. He lost his mom when she had her stroke.

Mister has absolutely no qualms about mom being here and living together. He adores and enjoys Ellie! I'm very lucky.

I doubt Lori and I will have much of a relationship once mom passed away. That saddens me deeply. But I can't force what she can't give or won't give. Not sure which it is. I probably don't want to know the answer.

I'm not worried about estate issues. Lori is the official executor, but she won't screw me over. It's in everyone's best interest that she's the executor, including mine. And it's not Lori's style to be vindictive. Frankly, when mom moves here, I'll get the house as long as I live in it. And Lori will honestly be ok with that as long as the house goes to her or her girls after my death, which it would anyway.

Because I'm disabled, as is my Mister, Lori planned to give most of the estate to me as property anyway. And she means it. I'll get the property as long as I agree to leave my estate to her or her daughters. If I die before my Mister, he will continue living in our house until his death. Lori or her girls will get everything after his death. We've agreed to sign legal papers solidifying the agreement so that all parties know exactly what happens when. The legal paperwork was my idea.

I know family gets really weird when it comes to inheritance. I don't expect anything brutal to happen. If it does, it does. But I'd be very surprised if that happened. Frankly, Lori would rather that everything is as drama free as possible.

Lori doesn't know this, but how she has handled this is destroying her relationship with mom. Mom doesn't want that. But it's what is happening. The relationship is unraveling. I'm not stepping in the middle of that though.



*Our family is incapable of having sons. Seriously. We're on our 3rd generation of girls only.

Now that you said Jackson specifically, I might be able to ease your worry just a bit. We are a huge blue dot in a sea of red in MS, and very gay friendly. It's the only way we're able to bear living here. 90% of being happy and accepted is choosing the right neighborhood to live in to begin with. South Jackson is like another country to those in North Jackson. We have a strong arts community, lots of entertainment options, and some of the best restaurants in the South. Our City administration and mayor suck spoiled eggs but they are great free entertainment when they start threatening each other with violence during council meetings and have the Interim Sheriff throw each other out when things get too disruptive. We mostly just ignore Tater Tot, our idiot governor.

She's welcome to contact me for anything she might need when she gets here, or before she gets here. I've lived here most of my life and know the city and her quirks like the back of my hand. I love this city even though I recognize her faults.