This isn't really a joke, just my new working definition of woke. It's pretty simple: don't be an asshole.
Show some empathy. Accept yourself for who you are, accept the people and plants and rocks and things around you.
If you got a problem with my idea of woke, chances are you are an asshole.
Some woke poeole are assholes.
Jokes
Posted: Sat May 13, 2023 5:32 pm
by Suranis
Hokey Pokey.jpg (39.23 KiB) Viewed 10890 times
Jokes
Posted: Sun May 14, 2023 8:38 pm
by Dave from down under
Jokes
Posted: Sun May 14, 2023 10:03 pm
by johnpcapitalist
Suranis wrote: ↑Sat May 13, 2023 5:32 pm
The Hokey Pokey, Shakespearean Style
I see your style-bending Hokey Pokey version and raise you this even funnier one, courtesy of Bill Bailey, one of my favorite comedians:
Jokes
Posted: Tue May 16, 2023 10:20 am
by Suranis
Melmom.jpg (74.56 KiB) Viewed 10770 times
Or Peter Dinklage, Jason Mamoa and their son.
Or...
Jokes
Posted: Tue May 16, 2023 7:31 pm
by keith
Or...
Two gentlemen and a racist asshole.
You be the judge.
Jokes
Posted: Wed May 24, 2023 10:42 am
by Suranis
Super.jpg (116.62 KiB) Viewed 10679 times
Actually I really like that guys superman... even though he had a habit of coming through a wall when there was an open window right beside it. And he always ducked when someone threw a Gun at him.
Jokes
Posted: Tue Jun 06, 2023 3:56 pm
by RVInit
RC deWinter
@RCdeWinter
A priest went to see his Bishop and asked if he would hear his confession.
“Of course,” the Bishop said and took out his rosary. “And what do you have to confess?”
“Well, Your Grace, I used profane language,” the priest said, shifting a bit in obvious embarrassment.
“I understand,” the Bishop said. “And under what circumstance did you use the profanity?”
“Well, Your Grace, I was playing golf and I stepped up to the tee on a par four and I hit what was probably the best drive of my life. Long and straight as an arrow,” the priest replied.
“Well surely there was no cause to blaspheme then?” the Bishop said with a frown.
“Well no,” the priest said, “but as it flew down the fairway it hit an overhead wire and dropped down only a hundred yards away.”
“Ah,” said the Bishop. “So that’s when you blasphemed.”
“No, Your Grace,” the priest said. “You see, when it hit the ground a gopher popped up, grabbed the ball and started running away with it toward the woods.”
“Oh, so that’s what made you curse,” the Bishop said with a nod.
“No,Your Grace, because just as he was about to get to the woods a great owl swooped down and grabbed him in his talons and started to fly away.”
“Okay, so that is when you used a profanity,” the Bishop said.
“No sir – you see, as the owl flew off with the gopher, the gopher dropped the ball from the sky and it landed on the green and rolled to just two feet away from the hole.”
The Bishop looked at the priest searchingly and said, “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”
Jokes
Posted: Sat Jul 01, 2023 8:42 pm
by raison de arizona
George Takei @GeorgeTakei wrote:Rate limit exceeded? Have they tried diverting all power to the forward array?!
Jokes
Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2023 12:55 pm
by Slim Cognito
Re: the confession joke -
I needed the No Drinks disclaimer.
Jokes
Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2023 8:02 pm
by Flatpoint High
oneup.png (490.14 KiB) Viewed 10456 times
Jokes
Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2023 6:45 pm
by Shizzle Popped
When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them:
I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and...
Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming:
M E..! M E..! I want it, please Lord... please... please... please...
This would make life a lot easier!
Eve agreed and said those things didn't matter to her.
So God gave Adam the gift.
Adam was amazed, screaming for joy, running through the Garden of Eden, peeing on every tree.
He ran along the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand.
He lit a fire and played fireman..
God and Eve stared at the mad man with happiness until Eve asked God:
and... what is the other present?
And God answered:
A Brain Eve ... The brain is yours...
And that my friends, is how it all started.
Jokes
Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2023 6:59 pm
by noblepa
God gave men a brain and a penis.
But only enough blood to operate one at a time.
Jokes
Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2023 10:23 am
by roadscholar
noblepa wrote: ↑Sat Sep 09, 2023 6:59 pm
God gave men a brain and a penis.
But only enough blood to operate one at a time.
And He decreed that they would rarely, if ever, agree with one another.
Jokes
Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2023 11:03 am
by Volkonski
Alex Wild
@alexwild@mastodon.online
With the drag queen moral panic starting to fade, what moral panic should we expect next?
20%
Firefighters with dogs other than dalmations
9%
Live birth easter bunnies, as God intended
22%
Elmer's Glue. You know why.
50%
Restaurants closing on Mondays is Satanic
Jokes
Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2023 11:18 am
by raison de arizona
IMG_6363.jpeg (190.45 KiB) Viewed 10106 times
Jokes
Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2023 11:40 am
by bill_g
It's a club of old white guys!
Or is it a gaggle?
A clutch?
Jokes
Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2023 12:50 pm
by Sam the Centipede
A sadness?
Jokes
Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2023 1:21 pm
by RTH10260
All are aging well, man and machine ...
Jokes
Posted: Thu Nov 16, 2023 7:57 am
by bill_g
RTH10260 wrote: ↑Wed Nov 15, 2023 1:21 pm
All are aging well, man and machine ...
The cloning process is complete!
Jokes
Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2023 4:27 pm
by raison de arizona
Jokes
Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2023 7:16 am
by Shizzle Popped
Attachment.jpeg (81.92 KiB) Viewed 9621 times
Jokes
Posted: Sun Dec 17, 2023 7:17 am
by Shizzle Popped
FB_IMG_1702699893973.jpeg (31.04 KiB) Viewed 9622 times
