Y'know, these krakenites have a real feel of resurrection of birtherism, but grander. Time to use your imagination, you are in a movie house, the lights have just dimmed, you take another handful of popcorn …
Titles roll, dramatic harp music swells, Nutjob Stupidios present …
Krakenites: The Queen Rebirths
A sick and weak Orlena is slumped in a dental chair, its plastic cover tattered and stained. Discarded eyelashes adhere to the bloodstains on the greasy carpet of the dirty surgery. She groans: "My faithful Turkey Bitch, what can I do now, I am beaten?"
The diminutive Japanese American standing by the chair takes Orlena's claw in her own filthy hand and gently caresses the long nails, one of which flutters to the floor: "Just as you are Orlena the Queen of Fail, so am I Moroniki the Princess of Hate, and I swear you will be reborn, no, rebirthed, more stupid, more racist, more useless, more publicity hungry and this will lead you to greater loss than ever before."
She pauses. "Orlena, remember how the dents in this, your Throne of Teeth, were made. Remember what you have inside you, the Essence of Celiii. Now You must drink from the Fountain of Pinkiness, take a sip from this chalice."
Orlena takes a sip, then a large gulp, from the disposable plastic cup.
Through the window we see a large golden T atop the Trump Laguna Niguel Golfagriftorium. The T is constructed from pure trumponite, a crystalline substance extracted from the feces of the Shitgibbon. It is distilled nastiness, concentrated evil, refined hate.
The T shines brighter, ever brighter, painting the surgery a sickly shade of orange
"Urggghh!! Arrrggh!! It comes, it comes, the spirit of Trumpo strengthens me! I chaaaannge!"
Orlena slumps into the mess on the floor. Her body shrivels [
FX: shove in some CGI crap here]. From the husk roll three eggs, all patterned with tiny swastikas.
Bathed in the orange glow, the eggs expand, expand, expand until they are the size of normal humans, but these contain no normal humans.
The first cracks open and out springs a ridiculous woman: "I am Squidney, the denier of fact!"
The second shudders and breaks apart: "I am Luciferian, the bringer of boasts!"
The third egg rolls into the Throne of Teeth, then strikes Moroniki's foot. She yelps in pain "Watashi wa uso-tsuki de bakadesu!" and kicks the egg, which now falls apart.
Out crawls a man with staring eyes and tangled hair. He stands, still unsteady. "And I am…" he starts, but pauses to remove several lumps of cheap foam from his mouth: "…and I am Liedello, and I unleash lies! Use discount code IHATEREALITY."