Yay! A new person.
Congratulations, you are getting the new packet that was just re-engineered 2 weeks ago. It’s full of brand-new goodies and will arrive sometime between Thursday and 3 weeks from the next new moon on an odd numbered day.
The packets will come in several different boxes. They are all small and discreet so no worries about nosy neighbors. You also don’t have to worry about porch pirates because we’ve already attuned the box to disengage the glitter bomb when your specific biometrics are detected. Don’t worry if you don’t remember giving us your biometrics. We have them, that is all you need to know.
The first box to arrive will include your intake paperwork. Unfortunately, we are unable to go digital quite yet in the paperwork, so this will be the old fashioned, pen to paper. Make sure you put on the “special” glasses that came with the packet to enable filling out the paperwork properly. It will allow you to see the actual questions and information being asked for. Make sure you use the pen that is included (it’s a really nice iridescent blue with a gold etching of a rooster on the side that you can only see with the included specs). There are special nanites in the ink that allow for faster processing.
Here is the list of the intake paperwork that must be filled out immediately if we are to get you in the system for renumeration of expenses.
- Freelance Client Intake form (FCIF.5498.58.S12)
- Training Requisition Form (TRF.3992.939.L2.1)
- Special Equipment Order (SEO.0932.33.T9)
- Original Forms Requisition Request (OFRR.8989.3939.O60)
Once those are filled out in triplicate, make sure you send them in as soon as possible. Call the number found on the card that has been put into the
Fulvus binder with the
Beige edging. This will alert the courier to come pick up the packet within 3 hours. To ensure the courier is the right person, he or she will ask the question:
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Do you think the wool on a sheep shrink when it rains?
You must answer:
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The other boxes that arrive will have a few other forms, such as vacation requests, coaching forms, counseling services in your area, and a map to the three closest shelters in case of emergency.
Welcome aboard! We keep the coffee in the cabinet, the beer in the fridge, and the wine in the cellar. Tuesdays are for Tacos, and we don’t care if you like pineapple on your pizza*.
*Well, some do. Personally, I say enjoy your abomination while I enjoy my black olives and onions.
“What is better ? to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort ?”
~Paarthurnax