Jokes
- busterbunker
- Posts: 293
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 9:46 pm
Jokes
This isn't really a joke, just my new working definition of woke. It's pretty simple: don't be an asshole.
Show some empathy. Accept yourself for who you are, accept the people and plants and rocks and things around you.
If you got a problem with my idea of woke, chances are you are an asshole.
Some woke poeole are assholes.
Show some empathy. Accept yourself for who you are, accept the people and plants and rocks and things around you.
If you got a problem with my idea of woke, chances are you are an asshole.
Some woke poeole are assholes.
- johnpcapitalist
- Posts: 915
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 7:59 pm
- Location: NYC Area
- Verified: ✅ Totally legit!
- keith
- Posts: 4167
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:23 pm
- Location: The Swamp in Victorian Oz
- Occupation: Retired Computer Systems Analyst Project Manager Super Coder
- Verified: ✅lunatic
Jokes
Or...
Two gentlemen and a racist asshole.
You be the judge.
Two gentlemen and a racist asshole.
You be the judge.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls Would scarcely get your feet wet
Jokes
RC deWinter
@RCdeWinter
A priest went to see his Bishop and asked if he would hear his confession.
“Of course,” the Bishop said and took out his rosary. “And what do you have to confess?”
“Well, Your Grace, I used profane language,” the priest said, shifting a bit in obvious embarrassment.
“I understand,” the Bishop said. “And under what circumstance did you use the profanity?”
“Well, Your Grace, I was playing golf and I stepped up to the tee on a par four and I hit what was probably the best drive of my life. Long and straight as an arrow,” the priest replied.
“Well surely there was no cause to blaspheme then?” the Bishop said with a frown.
“Well no,” the priest said, “but as it flew down the fairway it hit an overhead wire and dropped down only a hundred yards away.”
“Ah,” said the Bishop. “So that’s when you blasphemed.”
“No, Your Grace,” the priest said. “You see, when it hit the ground a gopher popped up, grabbed the ball and started running away with it toward the woods.”
“Oh, so that’s what made you curse,” the Bishop said with a nod.
“No,Your Grace, because just as he was about to get to the woods a great owl swooped down and grabbed him in his talons and started to fly away.”
“Okay, so that is when you used a profanity,” the Bishop said.
“No sir – you see, as the owl flew off with the gopher, the gopher dropped the ball from the sky and it landed on the green and rolled to just two feet away from the hole.”
The Bishop looked at the priest searchingly and said, “You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?”
“A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.”
— Demetri Martin
— Demetri Martin
- raison de arizona
- Posts: 20219
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:21 am
- Location: Nothing, Arizona
- Occupation: bit twiddler
- Verified: ✔️ he/him/his
Jokes
![Laughing :lol:](./images/smilies/icon_lol.gif)
George Takei @GeorgeTakei wrote:Rate limit exceeded? Have they tried diverting all power to the forward array?!
“Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide.” —John Adams
- Slim Cognito
- Posts: 7156
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 9:15 am
- Location: Too close to trump
- Occupation: Hats. I do hats.
- Verified: ✅
- Flatpoint High
- Posts: 1586
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 11:58 am
- Location: Hotel California, PH523, Galaxy Central, M103
- Occupation: professional pain in the ass, voice actor & keeper of the straight face
- Verified: ✅
- Shizzle Popped
- Posts: 5198
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:53 pm
- Location: South of Circle City
- Verified: ✅
Jokes
When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them:
I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and...
Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming:
M E..! M E..! I want it, please Lord... please... please... please...
This would make life a lot easier!
Eve agreed and said those things didn't matter to her.
So God gave Adam the gift.
Adam was amazed, screaming for joy, running through the Garden of Eden, peeing on every tree.
He ran along the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand.
He lit a fire and played fireman..
God and Eve stared at the mad man with happiness until Eve asked God:
and... what is the other present?
And God answered:
A Brain Eve ... The brain is yours...
And that my friends, is how it all started.
I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and...
Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming:
M E..! M E..! I want it, please Lord... please... please... please...
This would make life a lot easier!
Eve agreed and said those things didn't matter to her.
So God gave Adam the gift.
Adam was amazed, screaming for joy, running through the Garden of Eden, peeing on every tree.
He ran along the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand.
He lit a fire and played fireman..
God and Eve stared at the mad man with happiness until Eve asked God:
and... what is the other present?
And God answered:
A Brain Eve ... The brain is yours...
And that my friends, is how it all started.
"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
John Adams
- roadscholar
- Posts: 796
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 11:17 am
- Location: Baltimore
- Occupation: Renaissance Mechanic
- Contact:
- Volkonski
- Posts: 12209
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 11:06 am
- Location: Texoma and North Fork of Long Island
- Occupation: Retired mechanical engineer
- Verified: ✅
Jokes
Alex Wild
@alexwild@mastodon.online
With the drag queen moral panic starting to fade, what moral panic should we expect next?
20%
Firefighters with dogs other than dalmations
9%
Live birth easter bunnies, as God intended
22%
Elmer's Glue. You know why.
50%
Restaurants closing on Mondays is Satanic
@alexwild@mastodon.online
With the drag queen moral panic starting to fade, what moral panic should we expect next?
20%
Firefighters with dogs other than dalmations
9%
Live birth easter bunnies, as God intended
22%
Elmer's Glue. You know why.
50%
Restaurants closing on Mondays is Satanic
“If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war.” ― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace
- raison de arizona
- Posts: 20219
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:21 am
- Location: Nothing, Arizona
- Occupation: bit twiddler
- Verified: ✔️ he/him/his
Jokes
“Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide.” —John Adams
- raison de arizona
- Posts: 20219
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 10:21 am
- Location: Nothing, Arizona
- Occupation: bit twiddler
- Verified: ✔️ he/him/his
Jokes
“Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide.” —John Adams
- Shizzle Popped
- Posts: 5198
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:53 pm
- Location: South of Circle City
- Verified: ✅
Jokes
"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
John Adams
- Shizzle Popped
- Posts: 5198
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:53 pm
- Location: South of Circle City
- Verified: ✅
Jokes
"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
John Adams
- Shizzle Popped
- Posts: 5198
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:53 pm
- Location: South of Circle City
- Verified: ✅
Jokes
"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
John Adams
- Shizzle Popped
- Posts: 5198
- Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2021 1:53 pm
- Location: South of Circle City
- Verified: ✅
Jokes
"Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write."
John Adams
John Adams