Sigh, What To Do When A Kid Goes Rogue?

[John Thomas8]

I'm a step parent. One is A US Army veteran with war wounds and a seriously ugly case of PTSD. But he's working hard to live off the grid and make a go of thing and I help where I can.

The other, sadly, turns out to be a meth head with an active STD and dragged my grandson from North Carolina to Mississippi with an active and seriously stupid drug dealer. She's a DSM diagnosed narcissist with an intense ability to lie and deflect.

And it's eating me alive.

Ugh

[Patagoniagirl]

Oh, JT. My heart truly has been broken by this with my own. And now I can honestly says I don't fucking know what to do for my family let alone have advice for anyone else.

I have a US Army vet with service injury and PTSD. He struggles with alcohol. The other is my youngest. Horribly injured in an accident. Horribly! He has PTSD as well...his three friends were killed. He struggles with anger and night terrors and drug addiction.

I find myself feeling almost about to break into tears for no apparent reason on most days like now.

I wish no one had to go through this. I'm so sorry.

[John Thomas8]

"My eldest", they're both step, has completely lost her farking mind. She has constructed an obscene world in her head with the aid of meth and inherited narcissism. I knew her birth father and he's a nasty dude. She's worse.

My youngest did UN duty in Kosovo and 3 tours in Iraq/Afghanistan and is struggling and I help where I can, he's in IL and I'm in NC.

[Volkonski]

These stories are just heart rending.

[Maybenaut]

That is heartbreaking. The horrible thing about personality disorders is this: that is who they are and there is literally nothing you can do to change it.

“I have a personality disorder,” said no one with a personality disorder ever. Even if they admit to the fact of the diagnosis, they think the diagnosis is wrong, the shrinks’s a quack, you’re the one with the problem, etc. That’s just the nature of personality disorders.

It’s rough.

[Clairez]

Once children are adults that is not much you can do to change the path they are on, especially when there are substance abuse problems involved.

Just always be there to listen when they want to talk and offer help when they are ready to do the hard work of changing themselves.

It's not hopeless, I have seen more than a few addicts turn their lives around, but I have never seen them do it until they decide to do it themselves.

[sugar magnolia]

I share some of your pain. I just found out the son of my best friend for almost 40 years is sitting in TN prison right now waiting to see what his sentence will be. They offered him a plea deal for 18 years and he turned it down. He was sentenced to 12 years before covid hit, got released and promptly proceeded to get hit with half a dozen more felonies and probation violations in the next 18 months. He's only a few months younger than my son and they used to be good friends. I've known him since he was born and it breaks my heart, for him and her both.

[Patagoniagirl]

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[p0rtia]

My heart breaks for you, JT and PG. You are both people I consider friends, proving that you can meet people virtually and care about their happiness and lives. I know you both, and both of you have enhanced my life.

This just utterly sucks. I have no advice, just sympathy and hugs. This life journey does not grow more easy over time.

[Tiredretiredlawyer]

JT and PG

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[sugar magnolia]

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I have heard the identical words from my friend and they break my heart every time. It will get easier. Not better, just easier.

[June bug]

I don’t think there can be much of anything worse than what you’re both going through, JT and PG. I lost my niece to schizophrenia, which she fought valiantly for over 30 years. It’s never over, but I agree it does get easier.

Please know I feel for both of you.

[Phoenix520]

[AndyinPA]

[neonzx]

Sore subject for me. This goes back ~25 years? yeah, about that. I was working as a IT contractor for a hospital system and became good friends with my supervisor on the project. So, knew the family and got invited over often for holidays. They have three children... I knew them well also. The middle kid went off to college (smart kid, like his dad-- smarter than me)... but got involved in 'crack'. Almost tore the family apart.

He still struggles with it after all these years (which means arrest and jail has been in his life as recently as a few months ago) and the family mostly wants nothing to do with it at this point (parents are too old and siblings fed-up). I still keep in touch with him and a close friend of his from high school hired him a few years ago to work for his company. (not enabling him, just trying to give him something to take pride in).

[Whatever4]

[John Thomas8]

It's gotten worse.

Security cameras are getting delivered today.

We're just scared for the grandson now, she's taken his phone and reset his e-mail/facebook access to kick us off.

I need $$$$$ for a real lawyer, not the local cadre, a big name with horsepower lawyer since NC doesn't have laws for grandparent rescue.

Fark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!