Slim Cognito
Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2024 7:55 pm
Finally got back late last night after spending three days in an airport (and three nights in a hotel) trying to get back home. The weather was awful but we still had a wonderful turnout and it was very nice.
That said, WTF is it with (some) families that when a parent dies, they freaking lose their minds? Also, let me say this is not a request for legal advice, the lawyers have been retained. And the brouhaha doesn't concern me, we had wills drawn and everything I was to get was clearly laid out in said will so I'm fine. The problem is the house Hubs' father left him 12 years ago.
It's a charming Cape Cod in an equally charming suburb of Johnson County Kansas, circa late 40s, early 50s. Very Father Knows Best. And the house was, of course, paid off.
Hubs wasn't much at finances, so my suggestion was to immediately get the house in Hubs' name but put his three kids* on as equals, Title On Death. Then the plan was to sell said house, put the money in a trust fund for the three kids, let it grow until Hubs passed and, voila, money.
Sadly, before we could sell the house, pushy oldest son started on pushover Hubs to rent the house. (He could never say no to his kids and they knew it, that's how I ended up evil stepmom). He then turned to me and smarted off, "But you don't want me to do you?" My response was, It's not my house, it's not my decision, hoping I could pull Hubs away to go over our original plan but noooooo. Before I knew it, Hubs gave J permission to move in. I often brought up that this would end badly, but Hubs insisted it would all work out, because in Hubs world everything worked itself out. He said a few times someone up there was watching out for him and I would remind him that someone was sitting on the couch next to him. (And then he got sick). But he insisted J would never cheat his siblings. I knew eventually all hell would break lose.
That hell is now streaking through the suburban JoCo and it's 1 against 2, the one being the guy who has been living in the house for the past 12 years vs the other two that just want their fair take, a take that #1 can't afford to buy out, despite having a good job. Houses are freaking expensive and JoCo houses are even more freaking expensive.
Yes, J has put some money into the house, but it was his choice. Hubs never said, hey put down a new floor or install some new shelving. Or put in an above-ground pool. But once it became apparent he wasn't going to play fair with the other two kids, I sent the daughter, (the one I raised) the $$ for a lawyer and she has retained one who seems to be doing a good job, no complaints at this juncture. At that point, it was then made clear to J that the house would have to be sold as J was not going to be able to give the other two kids their fair share of the home's value. There's the starting gun and they're off.
Words were exchanged and feelings were hurt. But daughter B, knowing how to adult, came to the memorial. So did several cousins and family friends, all of whom J had already poisoned with, I gave her an offer, she got mad, I can't deal with her and now I have to move out of my house! Well, boohoo, he was never given that house and it's not B's fault J jumped the gun. And the cousins were all, but J spent all that money....
And if he's got receipts I'm sure deals can be negotiated.
But he's been there 12 years.
Sure, paying rent half the going price for that area. Hell, that saved him prolly 1K a month right there, x 12 years.
We didn't make any money off it it, just charged him what we paid for insurance, HOA and astronomical JoCo taxes, (they do have a mighty fine school district).
One of the friends mentioned to me, "There's two sides to every story," like the woman who's been in the family 22 years isn't aware that siblings manipulate? My response was to look the guy in the eye and say, Yes, E, there certainly ARE two sides to every story. And as I recall, when your father died, one of your brothers wouldn't leave his house until you and your siblings threw him out so you could sell it. E looks down at his boots and agrees, "Yeah, the only fair thing is to sell it."
Still, it was discouraging, but I hope those friends and cousins took notice that one party came to the memorial to celebrate her father's life and the other sat home and pouted because he didn't get a free house out of it. (third kid is in court-mandated drug rehab at the moment. No idea how/when he'll deal with his share but he'll have to figure it out.)
/rant
*from his first marriage. He was a widower when we started dating.
That said, WTF is it with (some) families that when a parent dies, they freaking lose their minds? Also, let me say this is not a request for legal advice, the lawyers have been retained. And the brouhaha doesn't concern me, we had wills drawn and everything I was to get was clearly laid out in said will so I'm fine. The problem is the house Hubs' father left him 12 years ago.
It's a charming Cape Cod in an equally charming suburb of Johnson County Kansas, circa late 40s, early 50s. Very Father Knows Best. And the house was, of course, paid off.
Hubs wasn't much at finances, so my suggestion was to immediately get the house in Hubs' name but put his three kids* on as equals, Title On Death. Then the plan was to sell said house, put the money in a trust fund for the three kids, let it grow until Hubs passed and, voila, money.
Sadly, before we could sell the house, pushy oldest son started on pushover Hubs to rent the house. (He could never say no to his kids and they knew it, that's how I ended up evil stepmom). He then turned to me and smarted off, "But you don't want me to do you?" My response was, It's not my house, it's not my decision, hoping I could pull Hubs away to go over our original plan but noooooo. Before I knew it, Hubs gave J permission to move in. I often brought up that this would end badly, but Hubs insisted it would all work out, because in Hubs world everything worked itself out. He said a few times someone up there was watching out for him and I would remind him that someone was sitting on the couch next to him. (And then he got sick). But he insisted J would never cheat his siblings. I knew eventually all hell would break lose.
That hell is now streaking through the suburban JoCo and it's 1 against 2, the one being the guy who has been living in the house for the past 12 years vs the other two that just want their fair take, a take that #1 can't afford to buy out, despite having a good job. Houses are freaking expensive and JoCo houses are even more freaking expensive.
Yes, J has put some money into the house, but it was his choice. Hubs never said, hey put down a new floor or install some new shelving. Or put in an above-ground pool. But once it became apparent he wasn't going to play fair with the other two kids, I sent the daughter, (the one I raised) the $$ for a lawyer and she has retained one who seems to be doing a good job, no complaints at this juncture. At that point, it was then made clear to J that the house would have to be sold as J was not going to be able to give the other two kids their fair share of the home's value. There's the starting gun and they're off.
Words were exchanged and feelings were hurt. But daughter B, knowing how to adult, came to the memorial. So did several cousins and family friends, all of whom J had already poisoned with, I gave her an offer, she got mad, I can't deal with her and now I have to move out of my house! Well, boohoo, he was never given that house and it's not B's fault J jumped the gun. And the cousins were all, but J spent all that money....
And if he's got receipts I'm sure deals can be negotiated.
But he's been there 12 years.
Sure, paying rent half the going price for that area. Hell, that saved him prolly 1K a month right there, x 12 years.
We didn't make any money off it it, just charged him what we paid for insurance, HOA and astronomical JoCo taxes, (they do have a mighty fine school district).
One of the friends mentioned to me, "There's two sides to every story," like the woman who's been in the family 22 years isn't aware that siblings manipulate? My response was to look the guy in the eye and say, Yes, E, there certainly ARE two sides to every story. And as I recall, when your father died, one of your brothers wouldn't leave his house until you and your siblings threw him out so you could sell it. E looks down at his boots and agrees, "Yeah, the only fair thing is to sell it."
Still, it was discouraging, but I hope those friends and cousins took notice that one party came to the memorial to celebrate her father's life and the other sat home and pouted because he didn't get a free house out of it. (third kid is in court-mandated drug rehab at the moment. No idea how/when he'll deal with his share but he'll have to figure it out.)
/rant
*from his first marriage. He was a widower when we started dating.