The Mueller Christmas Songbook

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maydijo
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The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#1

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:55 pm

It's Christmas Eve. You've gathered together with all of those you love (and also some you merely tolerate.) As your racist and somewhat senile great-aunt Ida wonders why your brother brought his maid to the family Christmas party for the third year in a row, your mother quickly intervenes and suggests a round of caroling around Gram's old cabinet grand. The warped keys never could hold a tune, but then, none of you have either been able to either. As the soft snow falls, and the children dream of an illegal alien invading from the north with an assortment of soon-to-be-tariffed goods made by poorly paid labourers in a far off land, you sidle up next to your uncle Stan, who used to be your favourite, before he gave you that damned MAGA hat for Christmas in 2016, and you start to sing:

Just hear those jail birds singing and Mueller gleaning, too
Come on, it's lovely timing for an indictment or two
Inside, Trump is tweeting and crying out, boo hoo.
Come on it's lovely timing for an indictment or two.

Giddy up! Giddy up! Giddy up! Let's go!
Get on with the show!
We're walking in a marvelous Mueller land
Giddy up! Giddy up! Giddy up! How grand
Just to shake that hand.
We're riding along with a song
of a Mueller wonder land!

They're snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be
Let's let them walk down that road, Donald and Rudy!
When Mueller's done, they'll be jail for one, and the other will be
Married to wife number 6, and wallowing in misery!

Giddy up! Giddy up! Giddy up! Let's go!
Get on with the show!
We're walking in a marvelous Mueller land
Giddy up! Giddy up! Giddy up! How grand
Just to shake that hand
These wonderful things are the things
We remember all through our lives!



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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#2

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:55 pm

I'm dreaming of a new POTUS
Just like the ones I used to know
Who were sometimes dodgy
And sometimes stodgy,
But never lied like Pinnochio!

I'm dreaming of a new POTUS
With every twitter that I read
May this POTUS and all his creed
End up in jail for their greed!



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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#3

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:56 pm

It's beginning to look a lot like treason
Everywhere you look
There is Russian and Saudi gold
Collisional acts untold
And we all know his taxes' books are cooked!
It's beginning to look a lot like treason
All over the place
But the happiest sight to see
Is the smile that will be
Bright on every face!

A new orange suit
and a pair of jail boots
For Donald, Jared and friends
Time served for Cohen and no time for Flynn
But Manafort's sentence won't end
And Jr and Eric wonder if they'll ever see sun again!

It's beginning to look a lot like treason
All over the place
But the happiest sight to see
Is the smile that will be
On Hillary's face!



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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#4

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:56 pm

Have a very Mueller Christmas
It's the best time of the year
I don't know when Trump will go
But hopefully it's near!
Have a very Mueller Christmas
And when you walk down the street
Wear a pink pussy hat
'Cuz POTUS soon will sink.

Oh ho, Mueller knows
Who'll do the perp walk
We just have to wait for it
And then - how we'll mock!

Have a very Mueller Christmas
And sing it without fail -
With Bob Mueller working,
Donald Trump will soon be
In jail!



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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#5

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:56 pm

Oh you're going to shout
You're going to cry
You better watch out
I'm telling you why
Bob Mueller is coming to town
He's got a witness list
He's checking it twice
They're going to flip
Because you're not nice
Bob Mueller is coming to town
He sees you when you're tweeting
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So you're screwed for goodness sake!
Oh you're going to shout
You're going to cry
You'd better watch out
I'm telling you why
Bob Mueller is coming to town!



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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#6

Post by Somerset » Thu Dec 06, 2018 4:58 pm

:clap: :clap: :clap:
:thumbs:



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Tiredretiredlawyer
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#7

Post by Tiredretiredlawyer » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:01 pm

Author!!! author! Brava!!!!? :clap:


"The people must know before they can act, and there is no educator to compare with the press." - Ida B. Wells-Barnett, journalist, newspaper editor, suffragist, feminist and founder with others of NAACP.

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Kendra
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#8

Post by Kendra » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:04 pm

Very good. Now to get Jimmy Kimmel or Randy Rainbow to take them on :thumbs:



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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#9

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:04 pm

I wrote them! Hopefully I'll come up with a few more. Please feel free to contribute! Or edit!

You can share them with anyone who would appreciate them, and also anyone who wouldn't.



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Slim Cognito
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#10

Post by Slim Cognito » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:40 pm

Love it. Let me try.


Mueller baby, slip indictments under the tree.
We'll see
Who's been an awfully bad boy
Mueller baby, promise me some perp walks tonight.

Mueller baby, Junior, Eric and Jared too
That'll do.
I'll wait up for you dear
Mueller baby, promise me some perp walks tonight.

Think of all the fun we've missed
Because of all the crimes on trump's laundry list.
Next year could be just as good
If you throw in a little Ivanka twist

Mueller baby, not asking for a lot,
Mug shots.
Been waiting two years
Mueller baby, promise me some perp walks tonight.

Mueller cutie, fill my night with some BREAKING NEWS:
They lose.
Sign your 'X' on the line
Mueller cutie, promise me some perp walks tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With the best subpoenas we could ever see.
I really do believe that you
Are the one who can save this great country.

Mueller baby, forgot to mention one little thing
to bring
Some cuffs for McConnell, too.
Mueller baby, promise me some perp walks tonight
Promise me some perp walks tonight
Hurry, tonight


ImageImageImage x4

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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#11

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:47 pm

:thumbs: :bighug: :daydream: :swoon:

I'm not worthy. That was brilliant!



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Slim Cognito
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#12

Post by Slim Cognito » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:05 pm

Nonsense! Yours are incredible. Plus it gave me something fun to do tonight.

Let me do one more.

Oh, Michael Cohen was a shady, grumpy stray.
He did trump's stuff. He was super gruff
As he ran trump's woes away

Oh Michael Cohen was the fixer man, they say
He was just a schmoe, but we all know
How he came to squeal one day.

There must have been some magic in that
Warrant, as he found,
When NY came down on his back,
He began to dance around.

Oh Michael Cohen
Was as scared as he could be
And trump just learned
He's been big-time burned
By a guy who took the plea.

Thumpetty thump thump
thumpety thump thump
Look at Michael race
thumpetty thump thump
thumpety thump thump
Over to Mueller's place.


ImageImageImage x4

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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#13

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:41 pm

Awe, nothing like some good Christmas cheer! Here's another -

All I want for Christmas is a new AG
A new AG
Yes, a new AG
Gee, if I could only have a new AG
Then I could wish you merry Christmas!
It seems so long since I could say
This AG isn't just a crony!
Me oh my how I want a new guy -
Even more than a pony!
All I want for Christmas is a new AG
A new AG
Yes, a new AG
Gee, if I could only have a new AG
Then I could wish you merry Christmas!



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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#14

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 6:45 pm

I'll be home for Christmas
Once my sentence ends
Please have food that isn't mash
And showers without friends

Christmas Eve will find me
Where the jail lights gleam
I'll be home for Christmas
But not for years, it seems.



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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#15

Post by Tiredretiredlawyer » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:05 pm

Y'all are fabulous!!!!


"The people must know before they can act, and there is no educator to compare with the press." - Ida B. Wells-Barnett, journalist, newspaper editor, suffragist, feminist and founder with others of NAACP.

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maydijo
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#16

Post by maydijo » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:19 pm

Twas the night before filing and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse
The laundry was stacked in the basket without care
I hoped that tomorrow I'd find something to wear

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of a new president danced in their heads
And mama and papa, in ratty old tees
Had just settled in for a nice, comfy read

When up on my screen there arouse such a clatter
Of twitter screens popping up - what was the matter?
I hurried to click on each one as it showed
The news that finally set my heart aglow -

The moon on the trunks of the ghost gums out yonder
Gave the lustre of midday and made me ponder
What this new momentous event would bring
For my family and friends, far over the sea

When I heard a knock, so lively and bold
I knew in a moment what that knock foretold
It was Bob! He was looking for a place to lay low
From the press and the questions on every Fox News show

"Now Tucker! Now Gretchen! Now Sean Hannity,
You knew he was filthy when you met him with glee!
It's your fault our country's in such a fine mess.
You didn't ask hard questions - you just let him rest!"

As dry leaves that before the summer winds fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So into my house Bob Mueller flew
With all of his files, "I've brought them for you."

He was dressed in a suit, neatly pressed, with a tie
His clothes fit him well - not a wrinkle in sight.
The bundle of papers he had in his hands
Were properly tied up in a simple black band.

His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
And I smiled when I noticed his tie wasn't cherry
His straight little mouth was all business and grim
And I shook like a groupie - Was this really him?

He had dotted each I and crossed every T
And left nothing to chance - oh no! Not he!
He had all the evidence, had it wrapped up so tight
And I knew when I saw him the source of his delight.

"He's just been forced out," I confirmed with a grin,
And Bob shook my hand, "Thanks for letting me in.
I knew ol' Rupert and his Fox and Friends
Wouldn't let me have any peace in the end.

A nice holiday with a few kangaroos
Is just what I need after tightening those screws!"
And shaking his hand with the utmost of glee
I showed him his room and brewed up some tea.

"And you got rid of Pence," I said with a smile.
"Looks like it'll be Pres. Pelosi for a while!"
He nodded his head, and he seemed satisfied,
But, "Justice is done," was his simple reply.

Just then my husband shook me awake.
"You've missed the announcement, for goodness sake!
He's stepping down tomorrow, he'll be gone by night -
His party's all left him, they're all in a fright!"

As the last wisps of dream cleared up from my mind
I saw Mueller, on the screen, walk back with a sigh
But I heard him proclaim, ere he stepped out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to you! And to all a good night!"



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Kendra
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#17

Post by Kendra » Thu Dec 06, 2018 7:33 pm

:dance: :thumbs: :bighug: :clap:



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p0rtia
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#18

Post by p0rtia » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:27 pm

:swoon: :bighug: :clap:


No matter where you go, there you are! :towel:
ImageImageImage

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Kendra
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Re: The Mueller Christmas Songbook

#19

Post by Kendra » Fri Dec 07, 2018 7:57 am

Spotted on Twitter.


"Jailbirds sing
Are ya pissin
In your pants
That ya sit in
The cell doors will clang
You're fun for the gang
Walkin down the strip of c-blocks strand"



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