Bad sex award 2018: The award for astoundingly bad Erotic writing.

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Suranis
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Bad sex award 2018: The award for astoundingly bad Erotic writing.

#1

Post by Suranis » Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:52 pm

I'm not going to copy and paste the whole thing (becasue ewww) but you can read the contenders at the link.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2018/ ... -in-quotes

Here is a taster to get you... um...



After reading these, may I welcome you to your new celibate lifestyle.

Oh what the hell, I know you want another to get you in the mood.
The Paper Lovers by Gerard Woodward

He was aware that she was making a mewling sound as he put his lips to her tightened nipple and sucked. Her mouth was at his ear, her tongue travelling along its grooves, voice filling it. His mouth tugged at her, extended her, she snapped back, there was a taste of something on his tongue. In his mind he pictured her neck, her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in Wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him. She had found a way through his clothing and her fingers had lightly touched his cock, then slowly began to take a firmer hold. He wanted to cry like a baby. He felt helpless, as though his body had come undone and she was fastening it. He felt as though he was bleeding somewhere. Then he felt powerful, gigantic. He would have kicked a door down.
Who says that romance is dead?


Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

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RoadScholar
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Re: Bad sex award 2018: The award for astoundingly bad Erotic writing.

#2

Post by RoadScholar » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:28 am

“...enamelled pepper mill?” WTF?


The bitterest truth is healthier than the sweetest lie.
X3

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fierceredpanda
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Re: Bad sex award 2018: The award for astoundingly bad Erotic writing.

#3

Post by fierceredpanda » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:52 am

What. Did I. Just read.


"There's no play here. There's no angle. There's no champagne room. I'm not a miracle worker, I'm a janitor. The math on this is simple; the smaller the mess, the easier it is for me to clean up." -Michael Clayton

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pipistrelle
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Re: Bad sex award 2018: The award for astoundingly bad Erotic writing.

#4

Post by pipistrelle » Wed Dec 05, 2018 7:30 am

RoadScholar wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:28 am
“...enamelled pepper mill?” WTF?
Now you know what terrifies the incels.



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