5G wireless will make Earthlings extinct! (The Mighty Spork)

[Foggy]

I don't have time to do this one justice, but you need to panic right now because our old friend the Mighty Spork has a new screed that is CHOCK FULL of nutty goodness.

Don't bother killing your cell phone, that won't save you!

[Tiredretiredlawyer]

Cell towers! Cell towers!

[Notorial Dissent]

Is there any hope it'll render Sporky infertile???? Now that I'd consider to be an undocumented feature.

[Sam the Centipede]

I like Sporky's disclaimer:

Before I begin, I’d like to start by telling you that I’m not on drugs, I’m not mental or diagnosed to be mentally ill under any pretense. I also am not uneducated (I attended 12 semesters of college, as most Americans did, with passing scores), nor am I stupid (I sport a respectable 145 I.Q.). Let me also be clear, I don’t want your money, and I’m not trying to sell you anything.

The first bit reminds me of Spike Milligan's "I'm not mad and I have a certificate to prove it!" (or something like that ... perhaps by someone else).

Anyway, most of us don't feel the need to preface our contributions with a declaration of sanity!

[ZekeB]

Anyway, most of us don't feel the need to preface our contributions with a declaration of sanity!

Donald Trump do!

[RTH10260]

Did the guy already jump on the fact that the current definition of the 5G protocolls are terribly insecure? The Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich has just released a paper on their analysis of the stuff!!!

► Show Spoiler

The authors are actually also in running contact with the consortium that defines the mobile communications protocolls and are helping them to have the flaws rectified prior to the industry going into full production on the 5G networks.

For the technical and scientifical minded: https://people.inf.ethz.ch/rsasse/pub/5G-CCS18.pdf

[Mikedunford]

I love the phrase "attended 12 semesters of college, as most Americans did, with paying scores."

Let's see:
1: he doesn't say "graduated"
2: I'm not sure most Americans have attended college.
3: for those who have, I suspect the norm is 8 semesters, not 12.

And there's probably more there I can't be bothered to find.

[ZekeB]

I thought the article was a spoof/satire.

[Volkonski]

I don't have time to do this one justice, but you need to panic right now because our old friend the Mighty Spork has a new screed that is CHOCK FULL of nutty goodness.

Don't bother killing your cell phone, that won't save you!

That goes way beyond mere nuttiness.

A smartphone that consumes 20 watts of power? With today's battery technology? In any case the energy needed to transmit a given amount of data goes down at higher frequencies.

[Whip]

I love the phrase "attended 12 semesters of college, as most Americans did, with paying scores."

Let's see:
1: he doesn't say "graduated"
2: I'm not sure most Americans have attended college.
3: for those who have, I suspect the norm is 8 semesters, not 12.

And there's probably more there I can't be bothered to find.

most of the Americans that didn't attend at all are smarter than he is.

[GlimDropper]

Let me see here:

~Spend huge amounts of money designing and constructing an improved phone network.

~That will also kill all of your customers.

~Profit!!!

[Mr Brolin]

I read the screed and lead with....

[Estiveo]

There's a simple palliative for the 5G.
Sekrit Stuffs!

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[Foggy]

The thing is, when 5G is implemented in the US, EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE an incredibly gruesome death, and they recently implemented it in China and nobody died BUT they're living under COMMUNISM (and you will be shocked to learn that China has not yet fully implemented 5G, although in some ways they're ahead of the US and Europe).

[Somerset]

(and you will be shocked to learn that China has not yet fully implemented 5G, although in some ways they're ahead of the US and Europe).

Since there are no 5G handsets at the moment...

[Whip]

the people that he insists on annoying should put '5G' stickers on their phones and pick them up making believe they are using them when they see him coming.

[P.K.]

I love the phrase "attended 12 semesters of college, as most Americans did, with paying scores."

Let's see:
1: he doesn't say "graduated"
2: I'm not sure most Americans have attended college.
3: for those who have, I suspect the norm is 8 semesters, not 12.

And there's probably more there I can't be bothered to find.

My college was on the quarter system at the time (it’s since switched to the semester system). So 12 quarters was four years (three quarters for the regular school year, with summer being the fourth). But I don’t say I attended 12 quarters, I just say I graduated.

[DmitriNotPetra]

This guy is legitimately mentally ill. I hope he gets the help he needs.

[Gregg]

I love the phrase "attended 12 semesters of college, as most Americans did, with paying scores."

Let's see:
1: he doesn't say "graduated"
2: I'm not sure most Americans have attended college.
3: for those who have, I suspect the norm is 8 semesters, not 12.

And there's probably more there I can't be bothered to find.

most of the Americans that didn't attend at all are smarter than he is.

Most Americans, that attended college or not, have houseplants that are smarter than he is.

[Bill_G]

A smartphone that consumes 20 watts of power? With today's battery technology? In any case the energy needed to transmit a given amount of data goes down at higher frequencies.

But wait - There's more!
People will disconbobulate in the streets using this technology. It's 60ghz frequency will split the water molecules in your body. Straight out of a horror movie. Just a crumple of wet clothes on the ground, and a phone with someone saying "Hello? Hello?".

The new internet frequency is going to be 60 GHz in speed. 60 GHz, by the by, just happens to be the PRECISE frequency that causes your body’s water cells to do a jig; and in the process, causes them to stop binding to oxygen.

[RoadScholar]

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[Sluffy1]

I learned something today that I've occasionally wondered about.
The G stands for generation.

[dunstvangeet]

I love the phrase "attended 12 semesters of college, as most Americans did, with paying scores."

Let's see:
1: he doesn't say "graduated"
2: I'm not sure most Americans have attended college.
3: for those who have, I suspect the norm is 8 semesters, not 12.

And there's probably more there I can't be bothered to find.

Actually, the average time it looks like is 5.1 years to finish a bachelor's degree (National Student Clearing House). Of course, this includes part-time students.

It also depends upon the field. For instance, in Accounting, a student may choose to specifically not graduate until they get their 5th year credits in order to qualify for the CPA exam. But you're right, he doesn't say "graduate".

[Foggy]

He may not have studied electronic engineering, I'd wager.

[Estiveo]

12 semesters of creative writing for that?