Fogbow

You'll do fine Foggy.

Oh yeah I'll do fine. I am in fine fettle, quite so. Had a good drive up here, crab cakes at Not Your Average Joe's, and a nice room, with breakfast at 6:30 a.m.

I'm in a good mood. I keep telling myself that it's okay not to be upset, sad, depressed, or any of that stuff. He had a good life and a good death, and I'm here to celebrate, not to mourn or wallow. My speech ends: "He never complained for a single minute, and ... neither have I."

And like I said, the eulogy is lit, it's going to wake some people up. Oh wait, then they'll be woke.

My parents rode a train from Beijing to Moscow in 1991. They crossed 11 time zones and when they got to Moscow there was a revolution going on.

My dad was on an icebreaker in the Arctic Circle. He was on a minesweeper that was put together with wooden dowels instead of nails, so they wouldn't set off magnetic mines. He visited every continent except Antarctica. He got around.

My last remaining issue is, apparently the church wants family members to limit their eulogies to 5 minutes, and my speech is somewhat longer, maybe 12.

But yanno ... don't start with me, you know how I get.

In other words, this is my father's only funeral. I have things to say, and I am going to say them. I promise it will be interesting. It might be a little lengthy. But if you think you can interrupt or drag me away from the lectern, bring it.

I'll be ready to defend myself.

What I'm really gonna say is, I'm pretty sure at least 3 of my siblings are not going to speak at all. So I'll just have to take their 5 minutes and add them to mine.

Today is the day, and I am ready. Sad, but ready to celebrate a life.

Well, there was no shooting or any knifings, so it was an unqualified social success. And it's officially over, so we're going to dinner in a while. Mañana we leave for home early in the morning.

Foggy wrote: ↑Sat May 18, 2024 5:11 pm Well, there was no shooting or any knifings, so it was an unqualified social success. And it's officially over, so we're going to dinner in a while. Mañana we leave for home early in the morning.

"Nobody went to jail, nobody went to the hospital." That's what we call a win around here.

So sorry Foggy

No, no, if he could have seen it he would have absolutely loved it. Great service, at least 20 of us got up in the front of the church and sang the Navy Hymn for him, it was magical. And then we had a fun reception with everyone from fellow residents of the community on rolleters to little great-grandkids running around shrieking, at his retirement place, it was glorious. He would have loved Every. Single. Minute.

So after a great life and a very good death we gave the man one hell of a send-off.

See ya, Pop.

Foggy wrote: ↑Sun May 19, 2024 2:28 pm No, no, if he could have seen it he would have absolutely loved it. Great service, at least 20 of us got up in the front of the church and sang the Navy Hymn for him, it was magical. And then we had a fun reception with everyone from fellow residents of the community on rolleters to little great-grandkids running around shrieking, at his retirement place, it was glorious. He would have loved Every. Single. Minute.

So after a great life and a very good death we gave the man one hell of a send-off.

See ya, Pop.

That's great! When my dad (93) died in March, all his children and their spouses, the 7 grandkids, and 4 of the 9 great grands were able to be there, plus a few of my cousins and their kids. After the funeral, we had a big gathering at my parents' house (thank you all the people who brought casseroles). At the end the adults formed a circle in the yard and toasted him with beer and we poured one out for him.
Today is his birthday, and a small crew of us went to the cemetery to sing him Happy Birthday.

I'm so very sorry.

Love the idea of going to the cemetery and singing Happy Birthday. I’ma stealing that idea!

It's nice to have youngsters at a funeral (obviously only if it's appropriate and not distressing for the kids) as it provides that reminder that the circle of life continues, that all lives come to their ends, whether too early or too late, or even when it feels right, lives end while new lives begin. Which I find comforting.

Not that there will be many at my funeral, I'll be the only guaranteed attendee!

Sam the Centipede wrote: ↑Mon May 20, 2024 10:09 am Not that there will be many at my funeral, I'll be the only guaranteed attendee!

My father's parents skipped out on theirs. They donated themselves to the Mayo Clinic for their education and research programs.

We had a memorial service at their church but, obviously, no burial. In a year or two, we travel to Rochester for the ceremony of thanks they hold for the families. After that, we took a quick trip to Mayo's burial vault at a local cemetary (grandparents were inurned their).

I clearly am unsentimental and uncurious about these things! When my father died about 40-50 years ago my mother organized the funeral service and cremation. I never asked about what happened to my father's ashes, and never wondered, all I knew was that I had heard nothing of an urn or discussion of disposal. It didn't matter to me. It was only when my mother died some years later (residing in the same house) that I worked it out after the funeral people asked "and what do you want to do with the ashes?" The local crematorium had a garden of remembrance where they would spread ashes amongst the rose bushes if one wished, so that must have been what happened with my father's ashes, so clearly was appropriate for his wife's ashes. (Also cheaper than urns!)

I fully understand why some people cherish physical memorials, and I respect that in the same way as I respect other abstract and concrete things that people hold dear even when they signify little for my skeptical and irreligious mind.

However, I think the emotion of family gatherings and commemorative celebrations inducing hugs, tears and sometimes laughter far outweighs lumps of stone or pottery. The memory of a great send-off such as Foggy described feels more permanent to me than an engraved plaque, whatever family historians might think. I envy (benignly!) those people who induce that level of respect and affection from their family, friends and colleagues. We measure them by how they are missed.

There is too joy in thinking during the event "if <insert name here> is looking down, s/he'd be so touched/proud/humbled/embarrassed by this send-off"! That clearly was the case with Fogpa.

Yeah. We always figured Dad would come back to haunt us if we didn't take him to church before burial; Mom would come back to haunt us if we did take her to church, so we treated each appropriately. No hauntings!

Sam - I went with the urn option. White with an orchid and a green hummingbird. I drew some pictures too. One or two maybe.

Like so many things, there's a spectrum!

Sam-

When you die (NOT SOON!!!) the Fogbow can hold a meetup to celebrate you and our other Fogbowsers who have passed. We can bring our kids and significant others and dance and laugh and hug as we reminisce. I even have a video of you!

His class ring from the US Naval Academy Class of 1949 arrived in the mail today; my sister said he left notes indicating that I should get it. He wore it every day until he passed, but of course I can't wear it.

It's really worn - probably 14K gold with an oval garnet inset, but it's been a few years since 1949, none of the text is readable and the design is too faint to see. So I'm not sure what to do with this thing. I suppose I can find a small jewelry box around here, but that wouldn't display it. Hmm.