Slim Cognito

[Slim Cognito]

Finally got back late last night after spending three days in an airport (and three nights in a hotel) trying to get back home. The weather was awful but we still had a wonderful turnout and it was very nice.

That said, WTF is it with (some) families that when a parent dies, they freaking lose their minds? Also, let me say this is not a request for legal advice, the lawyers have been retained. And the brouhaha doesn't concern me, we had wills drawn and everything I was to get was clearly laid out in said will so I'm fine. The problem is the house Hubs' father left him 12 years ago.

It's a charming Cape Cod in an equally charming suburb of Johnson County Kansas, circa late 40s, early 50s. Very Father Knows Best. And the house was, of course, paid off.

Hubs wasn't much at finances, so my suggestion was to immediately get the house in Hubs' name but put his three kids* on as equals, Title On Death. Then the plan was to sell said house, put the money in a trust fund for the three kids, let it grow until Hubs passed and, voila, money.

Sadly, before we could sell the house, pushy oldest son started on pushover Hubs to rent the house. (He could never say no to his kids and they knew it, that's how I ended up evil stepmom). He then turned to me and smarted off, "But you don't want me to do you?" My response was, It's not my house, it's not my decision, hoping I could pull Hubs away to go over our original plan but noooooo. Before I knew it, Hubs gave J permission to move in. I often brought up that this would end badly, but Hubs insisted it would all work out, because in Hubs world everything worked itself out. He said a few times someone up there was watching out for him and I would remind him that someone was sitting on the couch next to him. (And then he got sick). But he insisted J would never cheat his siblings. I knew eventually all hell would break lose.

That hell is now streaking through the suburban JoCo and it's 1 against 2, the one being the guy who has been living in the house for the past 12 years vs the other two that just want their fair take, a take that #1 can't afford to buy out, despite having a good job. Houses are freaking expensive and JoCo houses are even more freaking expensive.

Yes, J has put some money into the house, but it was his choice. Hubs never said, hey put down a new floor or install some new shelving. Or put in an above-ground pool. But once it became apparent he wasn't going to play fair with the other two kids, I sent the daughter, (the one I raised) the $$ for a lawyer and she has retained one who seems to be doing a good job, no complaints at this juncture. At that point, it was then made clear to J that the house would have to be sold as J was not going to be able to give the other two kids their fair share of the home's value. There's the starting gun and they're off.

Words were exchanged and feelings were hurt. But daughter B, knowing how to adult, came to the memorial. So did several cousins and family friends, all of whom J had already poisoned with, I gave her an offer, she got mad, I can't deal with her and now I have to move out of my house! Well, boohoo, he was never given that house and it's not B's fault J jumped the gun. And the cousins were all, but J spent all that money....

And if he's got receipts I'm sure deals can be negotiated.

But he's been there 12 years.

Sure, paying rent half the going price for that area. Hell, that saved him prolly 1K a month right there, x 12 years.

We didn't make any money off it it, just charged him what we paid for insurance, HOA and astronomical JoCo taxes, (they do have a mighty fine school district).

One of the friends mentioned to me, "There's two sides to every story," like the woman who's been in the family 22 years isn't aware that siblings manipulate? My response was to look the guy in the eye and say, Yes, E, there certainly ARE two sides to every story. And as I recall, when your father died, one of your brothers wouldn't leave his house until you and your siblings threw him out so you could sell it. E looks down at his boots and agrees, "Yeah, the only fair thing is to sell it."

Still, it was discouraging, but I hope those friends and cousins took notice that one party came to the memorial to celebrate her father's life and the other sat home and pouted because he didn't get a free house out of it. (third kid is in court-mandated drug rehab at the moment. No idea how/when he'll deal with his share but he'll have to figure it out.)

/rant

*from his first marriage. He was a widower when we started dating.

[AndyinPA]

Good luck. It's amazing how often that kind of crap happens. It happened with an uncle who swindled his four siblings out of their inheritance. No one in the family ever really got over it, and I grew up with all that drama that I really didn't need.

[keith]

When my sister-in-law's mother-in-law died, her oldest son was living with her, not against her will, but certainly against her preference (he had nowhere else to go). Her will explicitly gave everything to her other two sons, and explicitly specified that the 'black sheep' get nothing.

He contested the will, claiming he should get the house. The outcome was they would sell the house (which was going to happen in any case) and Black Sheep would get $200,000. The 2 brothers had offered to split it 3 ways, but Black Sheep didn't think it would sell for as much as 600K so he insisted he should get the 200K and bugger the other two.

He then proceeded to destroy the house on the way out. Punched holes in the wall and floors and broke windows. Ripped up carpets and left dog shit all over. Piled rotting furniture and garbage in the yard. And left.

My niece went around and found her cousins abandoned cat (cousin had died a couple of years ago). Lovely cat, but niece's daughter is allergic, so we have the cat now.

Anyway the house sold for 1.25mil. I assume that the first time the new owner entered the house he was driving a bulldozer. Mr. Black Sheep made a small financial mistake. Too bad, so sad.

[bill_g]

Sounds ugly Slim. I'm sorry it's happening to you. It's another reason never to get old. One of my boys had the balls to ask me how much he was going to get. I told he watched too many movies.

[neonzx]

Slim, sorry to hear of those trials of children. Almost 3 1/2 years to close out fathers estate in probate. The baby brother now claims he is an "only child" and will not speak with us other kids. So so not true as the other 3 of us love him dearly.

[Slim Cognito]

I've set a date to scatter Hubs' ashes next month. His daughter is coming down, his son says he can't get off work, or that's what he told a friend when I mentioned I hadn't heard from him after sending him the info (he's the one mad that he has to settle for approx $100K in cash rather than a free house).

We're lucky to have a licensed boat captain as a close friend so he's going to take the con on the process and is trying to see if he can use one of the company's tour boats if it's not already reserved. If it is, several neighbors have boats and we'll make it a flotilla.

Since Hubs wasn't a fisherguy, I was flummoxed as to where to have the ceremony. Then I remembered his favorite dive bar, Burt's, in Matlacha (a delightful bohemian village that was totally devastated by Hurricane Ian). Burt's no longer exists, literally. It wasn't just destroyed by Ian, it was completely swept away. Nothing left but the pylons* it sat upon for about 100 years. I talked to the captain about heading to the waters off Burt's (used to be) pier and he said he thought that would be perfect.

The memorial was more devastating to me than I expected and I expect the same reaction to this ceremony so I'm anxious to get it behind me so I can finally begin my recovery/new chapter. I've made reservations for a long-awaited trip to Albuquerque this September and if I like it, I'm planning to sell this place in spring of '25 and head west. I'd made this reservation before, including a sleeper car as I'm taking Amtrak from KC to ABQ, but Ian had other plans. This time, I've gone all out and reserved a bedroom.


*I'm sure the pylons had to be routinely replaced. You know what I mean.

[Tiredretiredlawyer]

[bill_g]

I know zactly what you're talking about.

[AndyinPA]

We still haven't scattered my husband's ashes. Can't decide just where. We were going to do so at the top of our property, which he would have liked, but the weather intervened. I'm going to order the memory brick at the conservatory soon.

I have a friend who's moving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque some time in the next month or two. She has been in Mew Mexico for more than 30 years, and loves it.

[Annrc]

[Volkonski]

[realist]

If you make the trip to NM let me know. Perhaps we can have a mini meetup.
I'm in Albuquerque.

[Slim Cognito]

[jemcanada2]

[keith]

If you make the trip to NM let me know. Perhaps we can have a mini meetup.
I'm in Albuquerque.

Just curious.

How do you pronounce "Madrid"?

[FiveAcres]

When we went there as a day trip from Santa Fe last summer, I remember being told that Madrid is pronounced with the emphasis on the first syllable: rhymes with SAD rid, more or less.

[bill_g]

That my recollection as well. Glad grad Brad had sad mad-rid.

[Slim Cognito]

When I lived at the lake of the Ozarks, there was a town north of us called Versailles, pronounced ver-SAILS.

[AndyinPA]

We have a North VerSAILS here, too.

[Maybenaut]

I live in Luray.

People not from here pronounce it LuhRAY. And the locals say, “You’re not from around here are you? We pronounce it LOOray.”

So you pronounce it LOOray and you get, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

I’ve listened carefully to the locals, and now I say LooRAY, and that seems to work.

[p0rtia]

[bill_g]

I live in Luray.

People not from here pronounce it LuhRAY. And the locals say, “You’re not from around here are you? We pronounce it LOOray.”

So you pronounce it LOOray and you get, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

I’ve listened carefully to the locals, and now I say LooRAY, and that seems to work.

Do they draw out the loo, or is it a lazy abrupted luh sound?

****

Around here we have Native, French, and homestead family place names.

Champoeg is pronounced like hair soap (shampoo) with a Y at the end - sham-POO-ee

Willamette is pronounced wil-LAM-et

Aloha is a family name and pronounced uh-LOW-wah

Couch is a single syllable family name that sounds like a pigeon coo'ing followed by the ch sound of cheese - cooch

[qbawl]

VerSails Indiana. They also have a version where the a is semi-silent over there.

[Maybenaut]

I live in Luray.

People not from here pronounce it LuhRAY. And the locals say, “You’re not from around here are you? We pronounce it LOOray.”

So you pronounce it LOOray and you get, “You’re not from around here, are you?”

I’ve listened carefully to the locals, and now I say LooRAY, and that seems to work.

Do they draw out the loo, or is it a lazy abrupted luh sound?

As near as I can tell, it’s an oo, but the emphasis is still on the RAY. It’s the out-of-towners who use the uh

[bill_g]

Here's a fun one: ilani

► Show Spoiler

Native language (Cowlitz tribe) name for a destination casino
Pronounced ay-lon-AY (long A sound first and last syllables). If you can double the stop time between the first and second syllables, and have no break between the second and third syllables, you've mastered it: ay..lonAY.

White folks general just say ayLAWnay.