Terrible Movies

[Suranis]

Since we have a topic for great movies, I thought I'd do a topic Movies to avoid, are just terrible, or watch for the laughs.

Anyway, my brother in law posted this on facebook about Super Mario Brothers.

Where to start...
Super Mario "brothers" movie....

Luigi.
basically replaces Peach as the " damsel In distress" shoulda just stuck him in a dress and given him a wig.
Wussin around the whole film, spends most of it in a cage. Weak, beta-male.
A real Disservice.
Pathetic.

Mario.
Useless, incompetent, gets womansplained at by super Peach / wonder-woman the whole movie,
Gets beaten up, fails repeatedly gets the piss ripped out of him for being too short and the voice acting.... Meh.
Side charachter.

Peach.
Or princess Bond, Jason Peach..
Does everything perfectly, first time....
Strong, fearless, Mario is the silly sidekick.
He's not needed. She defending her city.
Mario's only there to save his idiot brother.
I mean I'm sick to the bollix of this trope..

She hulk, mario, willow, ghost busters, star wars, the list goes on and on.
Men are useless, women are great.
Stop forcing this shite down our kids throats 24/7.
Of COURSE women are great....
BUT SO ARE MEN!

Bowser
A simp to peach.
Disturbing.
What's with the piano and singing.
Ps the song was AWFUL
Not funny.
Not intimidating.
Weak.

Donkey Kong
Seth rogen is shit.

Little blue Nihilistic luma

weird suicidal vibes
Disturbing to be selling this to kids.

Plot.
What plot.

Animation
Good.

Overall.
Fuckin awful
Total Disservice to the franchise
Unfunny, clichéd, shoehorned 80s music,
Woke, awful.
Now go away please.

[Suranis]

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Widely considered on the internet as "the worst movie ever made" people bring this up constantly as the worst movie ever. So, is it?

No.

It's not good, but I have seen a LOT worse. It is in fact a very, very watchable movie. It has a script, defined characters and something resembling a story - a story where Aliens want to make contact with Humans to warn them about Research Humans are starting, so they start raising corpses from the dead. As you do.

The Good - Bela Lugosi.

There is only a couple of minutes of footage of him in the movie. But even with that you can really see that this man was a simply fantastic Actor. He plays a professor who loses his wife, and the Footage is of his character grieving his wife. And you can feel every minute of loneliness and pain in the man's face.

The script is also pretty decent.

You get to hear Tor Johnson speak, and realize why most of his roles were silent. But the scene where he rises from his Grave is very well shot and genuinely terrifying.

The Ok - The two people who play the Aliens are alright as arrogant gits.

The Mess - Everything else. I mean Night turns to day, tons of stock footage fires at Flying saucers that are clearly hanging from a thread, The acting is bland to awful, the Police Captain points at everyone and his face with his gun, the Graves made of Cardboard, the Airplane that has no instruments, Bela Lugosi's character after rising from the grave is played by a guy who looks nothing like him... there is a lot to laugh at here. But it comes under the realm of "shot cheaply and enthusiastically, but there is no harm to it."

You can basically sit back and just watch it for the cheap laughs, and not feel guilty about it.

So ya, as a movie to laugh at. You will waste an hour and a bit and not feel like it's been wasted. It's nowhere near the worst movie ever made.

[jez]

To be fair, necromancy isn't all that great and Lugosi died during filming.

It is one of my favorite "bad" movies. Attack of the Killer Donuts probably falls in the same category. Difference is I would watch Plan 9 again, but not killer donuts.

[Foggy]

The last Spider-Man movie I saw, at the end Spider-Man had to choose:

1. Either everybody who knew him would forget they had ever known him, or

2. Space alien monsters would come through a hole in the space-time continuum and kill everyone on the planet.

Tough choice, really. An otherwise okay movie with a just plain stupid ending.

[pipistrelle]

Plan 9 from Outer Space

I find such movies benefit from the MST3K treatment. There was also an LA Movie something or other (can't recall name) group* that riffed movies that was pretty good. Some movies are almost too tedious even for riffing to make them tolerable.

Edit: *Mad Movies with the LA Connection

[Slim Cognito]

I love bad movies. Except for the Star Wars Holiday Special. That was painful.

BTW, Blacula is on Svengoolie tonight.

[Kriselda Gray]

The last Spider-Man movie I saw, at the end Spider-Man had to choose:

1. Either everybody who knew him would forget they had ever known him, or

2. Space alien monsters would come through a hole in the space-time continuum and kill everyone on the planet.

Tough choice, really. An otherwise okay movie with a just plain stupid ending.

I didn't think it was that stupid. For me, there was never any question about whether or not he'd make the right choice. He KNEW what he *had* to do, but here was this kid who was still grieving the loss of two of the most important people in his life (Tony and Aunt May) being told that he would have to give up EVERYONE - including the first love of his life and his place with the Avengers - in order to save the world from destruction.

I can't imagine too many people - even superheroes - who could be faced with that level of loss and just stoically say "Ok. I'm cool with it." Virtually anyone would be literally shocked by that and need a few minutes to pull themselves together - especially a, what, 18 or 19-year-old kid who was prone to a serious lack of self-confidence and the emotional swings even older teens can have. He was going to have to start over from scratch with no friends, no family, no one he could turn to for advice or if he needed help. No one for anything. I thought it was pretty much right in character that he'd hesitate - not so that he could decide which choice to make, but just to come to grips with the choice he HAD to make.

[Foggy]

Yeah, but if he agrees to be unknown, that somehow stops space alien monsters? Or it closes the wormhole or whatever? I mean, yes it is a dramatic situation, but so unrealistic I couldn't stop thinking, "Whether people know one guy or not is going to stop the space alien monster invasion? Get outta here!"

Edit: and it's a false choice, because if he doesn't agree to be unknown, everyone dies including him

[neonzx]

Bad movies can be a lot of fun if in the right mood. Bad acting, bad plot, bad script, bad sets. They can be hilarious.

[keith]

Plan 9 from outer Space Bela Lugozi "Pull da stringz! Pull da stringz!"

Finest line in all of moviedom history.


(Not)

[Kriselda Gray]

Yeah, but if he agrees to be unknown, that somehow stops space alien monsters? Or it closes the wormhole or whatever?

Yeah. Peter originally wanted Dr. Strange to cast a spell to make everyone in this universe forget about him EXCEPT for a list of people Peter kept adding to while Strange was casting. His constant changing of the list made Strange lose control of the spell and it tore a hole in the multiverse that - instead of making people forget Peter it caused anyone in any universe who'd heard of "a" Peter Parker in their own universe to come here, and most of those were bad guys that "a" Peter Parker had defeated in those universes.

The difference between the spell he *wanted* to have cast and the one that ended up having to *be* cast was that the people important to him would still remember him - he wasn't going to lose everyone.

I mean, yes it is a dramatic situation, but so unrealistic I couldn't stop thinking, "Whether people know one guy or not is going to stop the space alien monster invasion? Get outta here!"

Yep, because it wasn't just everyone in *this* universe that would forget him, but everyone in ANY universe would forget him, so they had no further reason to come here. It wasn't that all the aliens were coming here to destroy our world, but that so many were coming for our Peter that they'd end up destroying our world, just by the sheer number of them. The villains who showed up in the movie who had originally been in the previous Spiderman movies - Doc Oc, Green Goblin, Sandman, and Electro - were just a preliminary wave of the people/aliens being drawn here by the spell.

(I've kinda watched the movie a few times I absolutely LOVE how they took what could have been a bunch of throwaway cameos by the villains and Spidermans from the other universes and made them a central part of the story. Watching the 3 Peters working together was so much fun!)

Edit: and it's a false choice, because if he doesn't agree to be unknown, everyone dies including him

Yeah, it is. That's why I said the question wasn't whether he was going to make the right choice, it was what the repercussions of that choice were going to do to him.

[Volkonski]

"Triumph of the Will" (Triumph des Willens). The 1935 film glorifying Hitler and the Nazi Party.

[Suranis]

Plan 9 from outer Space Bela Lugozi "Pull da stringz! Pull da stringz!"

Finest line in all of moviedom history.


(Not)

That was actually in "Glen or Glenda." Sorry!

[keith]

Plan 9 from outer Space Bela Lugozi "Pull da stringz! Pull da stringz!"

Finest line in all of moviedom history.


(Not)

That was actually in "Glen or Glenda." Sorry!

Oh Dawg! You aren't gonna make me watch those turkeys to reset my unmemory are you? That's just downright cruel.

ETA: phew! I don't need to watch the whole thing... you are correct!

[keith]

My vote for the worst movie in the history of bad movies is: "The Bubble" (1966). Michael Cole starred before he got onto "Mod Squad". I suspect he did NOT include "The Bubble" on his CV when he interviewed for the "Mod Squad".

It was later re-released with a different title so you wouldn't know you had already wasted your money on this turkey: "The Fantastic Invasion of Earth".

It was a 3-D revival film, that really went out of its way to gimmick the 3-D effect, and apparently critics of these unrelated to the plot gimmicks caused them to delete about 20 minutes worth.

I only ever saw the re-release. The poster looked good: Michael Cole (presumably) protecting the damsel in distress with a pistol, holding off the alien flying saucers shooting ray guns here there and everywhere. Thing is, in the movie, there is never a damsel in distress so to speak, there is never a pistol, there is never a ray gun, there is never an alien flying saucer (or even an alien).

I completely understand why Stephen King was never sued for his book "Under the Dome" which is a direct rip-off of this idea. Nobody in his/her right mind would want to claim intellectual ownership of this dreck (not even Writer/Director Arch Obeler who died 22 years before King's novel was published - is this a magic number?)

[Foggy]

"Triumph of the Will" (Triumph des Willens). The 1935 film glorifying Hitler and the Nazi Party.

Unfortunately, that was (apparently, haven't watched anything but clips) a really well-made movie, with a lot of emotional power. But I know why you listed it as a terrible movie. It had terrible effects.

[RTH10260]

Triumph of the Will (German: Triumph des Willens) is a 1935 German Nazi propaganda film directed, produced, edited and co-written by Leni Riefenstahl. Adolf Hitler commissioned the film and served as an unofficial executive producer; his name appears in the opening titles. It chronicles the 1934 Nazi Party Congress in Nuremberg, which was attended by more than 700,000 Nazi supporters.[1] The film contains excerpts of speeches given by Nazi leaders at the Congress, including Hitler, Rudolf Hess and Julius Streicher, interspersed with footage of massed Sturmabteilung (SA) and Schutzstaffel (SS) troops and public reaction. Its overriding theme is the return of Germany as a great power with Hitler as its leader. The film was produced after the Night of the Long Knives, and many formerly prominent SA members are absent.

Following its release in March 1935, it became a major example of film used as propaganda and was well-received at home. Riefenstahl's techniques—such as moving cameras, aerial photography, the use of long-focus lenses to create a distorted perspective, and the revolutionary approach to the use of music and cinematography—have earned Triumph of the Will recognition as one of the greatest propaganda films in history. She won several awards in Germany, France and Italy.[2]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triumph_of_the_Will

German Wikipedia article https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triumph_des_Willens

[John Thomas8]

Sharknado!!!!!!!!!!

Egads.

[Suranis]

I saw an interview once where someone asked Michael Caine if he thought he made a lot of bad movies and he, rather practically, said that he had made 300 odd movies and at least some of them are going to be crap.

So the interviewer followed up with "Ok, what do you think is the worst movie you have ever been in?" Caine thought for a second and answered "The Swarm"

He said it was because They stopped up the bee hives between takes so the bees would come out on command to swarm people. But this is when he found out that Bees do not go to the toilet in their Hives, so by the time they uncorked the Hives the Bees would be desperate to go. So, they would go on the nearest available actor. So the white scientist outfits they had on gradually turned a shade of light brown, and you can actually see it in the movie if you look for it. So you cant get worse in a movie than being shat on by a bunch of Bees.

He also made a comment on "Jaws 4: the Revenge" "I haven't seen it, and by all accounts it's terrible. But I like the house it paid for."

[Volkonski]

"Triumph of the Will" (Triumph des Willens). The 1935 film glorifying Hitler and the Nazi Party.

Unfortunately, that was (apparently, haven't watched anything but clips) a really well-made movie, with a lot of emotional power. But I know why you listed it as a terrible movie. It had terrible effects.

Yes, it is a very well made movie. It has been described as the greatest propaganda film of all time. Let us hope that Trump never finds himself a sympathetic director as talented as Leni Riefenstahl.

[realist]

Bad movies can be a lot of fun if in the right mood. Bad acting, bad plot, bad script, bad sets. They can be hilarious.

[somerset]

It's fitting that this thread showed up right next to Pat Gund's birthday greeting

[Shizzle Popped]

Gymkata (1985)

Johnathan Cabot (played by former Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas) is a champion gymnast. In the tiny, yet savage, country of Parmistan, there is a perfect spot for a "star wars" site. For the US to get this site, they must compete in the brutal "Game". The government calls on Cabot, the son of a former operative, to win the game. Cabot must combine his gymnastics skills of the west with fighting secrets of the east and form GYMKATA!

Pommel horses show up in the oddest places in this movie. It's so bad it's almost good.

[RTH10260]

not sure about the classification as "terrible", but ...

‘An irresistible mix of art and genitals’: Caligula finally comes to Cannes
Described by its screenwriter, Gore Vidal, as ‘easily one of the worst films ever made’, Caligula has been re-edited by Thomas Negovan and received its premiere this week. Here, he explains his decision to revisit the swords-and-sandals shockfest

Catherine Bray
Fri 19 May 2023 08.00 BST

As quixotic quests go, it’s a doozy: take 96 hours of raw footage filmed during one of the craziest and most tumultuous shoots in movie history and attempt to create a new version of the film described by Variety on release in 1979 as “a moral Holocaust”.

Step forward Thomas Negovan: the man who rescued Caligula. “There were definitely a lot of points in the last three years where I thought I was crazy,” he says. “I thought: ‘Is anyone going to care about this?’” But, in fact one of the most important entities in the industry, the Cannes film festival, cared very much, booking the new-and-possibly-improved version a premiere in its prestigious Cannes Classics strand, a section of the festival generally dedicated to celebrating the art of cinema at its finest.

“And so all of a sudden, I thought: ‘OK, all the therapy bills are worth it,’” says Negovan.

Screened for the first time on Wednesday, the 2023 version is billed as Caligula: The Ultimate Cut, and Negovan is keen to point out that, “The thing that’s bizarrely unique about it is it’s almost like the version that was released in 1979 is the deviant version. Ours is closer to what was originally intended. Even the word restoration … I don’t know what word works, but it isn’t a restoration. I don’t know what to call it.”

A quick recap for the uninitiated: involving more drama than every season of Love Island combined, the 1979 swords-and-sandals shockfest Caligula has long been infamous as one of cinema’s most disastrous productions, its very title a byword for what can happen when a creative project spins out of control. Starring Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, John Gielgud and Peter O’Toole plus a busload of porn stars, the lurid epic about the life of the mad Roman emperor Caligula, was a noble attempt to create the most explicit prestige picture in the history of the moving image.

An anonymous crew member described it as “not a shoot, it’s the Fourth Reich. Caligula Uber Alles”. The finished film itself was hardly less chaotic. With finance put together by Penthouse founder Bob Guccione, a script by the leftwing intellectual Gore Vidal, and Tinto Brass, a cult Italian film-maker famed for his erotic movies, in the director’s chair, perhaps on paper the film had a certain sort of bold logic to it. Theoretically, these three brought to the table the unique combination of hedonism, intellect and wildcard creativity that the decadent, explicit, historical epic would need. What could possibly go wrong?



https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/m ... -to-cannes

[John Thomas8]

not sure about the classification as "terrible", but ...

‘An irresistible mix of art and genitals’: Caligula finally comes to Cannes
Described by its screenwriter, Gore Vidal, as ‘easily one of the worst films ever made’, Caligula has been re-edited by Thomas Negovan and received its premiere this week. Here, he explains his decision to revisit the swords-and-sandals shockfest

What could possibly go wrong?



https://www.theguardian.com/film/2023/m ... -to-cannes

What could possibly go wrong? How about everything? Egads what a bloody, nasty trainwreck.