Sugar Magnolia

[pipistrelle]

[MsDaisy]

Very sad, so sorry

[sad-cafe]

My dad died about 8:00 this morning, holding my mother's hand.

so very sorry

[Lani]

Oh, Sugar, All your friends here are sending love and support.

[p0rtia]

Condolences, Sugar.

[FiveAcres]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[jemcanada2]

So sorry for your loss, Sugar.

[northland10]

[Flatpoint High]

May his memory be a blessing

[Patagoniagirl]

I am so sorry you've lost your dad. I also hope you have wonderful memories as well. That was a false hope initially after my loss, because the loss was too great. I wish for you some peace.

[roadscholar]

Sorry for your loss, Sugar.

[Foggy]

I am so sorry for your loss, Sugar M. Hugs and love to you and your family.

[chancery]

Very sorry Sugar.

[Tiredretiredlawyer]

So sorry, sugar.

[sugar magnolia]

Welcome to my 4:00 am pity party! All are invited. Costumes optional.

Yes, it's 4:00 am and I'm still awake. This is usually about the time I get up, but last night I never went to sleep at all. Too many things on my mind all at once and very hard to prioritize. My life's motto is "If you can't fix it, you can't worry about it." That's not working very well right now though. My son has to go in for another colonoscopy next week. When he called to tell me I sort of felt like it was more than his annual "you're cancer free, go and sin no more" check up. I was right. He's having some "issues" that are apparently concerning enough that they sent him to the Cancer Center this time for the testing.

This news came the day after I was referred to a gynecologic oncologist because of a fast growing mass in my pelvis. After the initial scan The Fabulous Dr Baker was sort of laissez faire about it when seeing the radiologist's report that it was an ovarian cyst. Until I told him I had a hysterectomy 20+ years ago. That sort of kicked things up a notch or two. Whatever the little alien is, it wasn't there in Feb and it's already almost 6 cm as of the middle of Oct. That's also the very high end of the size they can remove laparoscopicly so I may get the new scans and they decide they have to do it roboticly. Longer recovery time and more pain. My doc seemed to be very concerned with scarring but I just laughed and laughed. After a double mastectomy, gall bladder surgery, radiation burn scars and a hysterectomy, my chest already looks like Frankenstein. Just whack me open, get what you need to out and be done with it.

My husband retired Oct 7, so like the good little drone I am, I signed up for Obamacare to take effect Nov 1 and got the scans and surgery scheduled for Nov 17. At least I thought that's what was going to happen. No cards or copy of my policy in the mail as promised, so I called yesterday and it's still in the works for some reason they can't seem to explain. Meanwhile, it can take up to 15 days to get pre-approval for surgery. Today is the second, my surgery is 15 days from now, and I still have no insurance card. I have a policy number but my doc's office says they need a copy of the actual card to file the insurance. I've already put it off for 3 weeks longer than I should have specifically so the insurance would cover it. The best the insurance company can tell me is to call back every day until they figure out why it says provisional.

I'm an officer on the board of a non-profit which has recently discovered some pretty extensive embezzlement by an employee who had been there for 25+ years. She was also the "face" of the organization and the only staff person that many of our 400 members even knew. We have one mad cow on the board who decided we weren't following the bylaws and employee handbook so during a very contentious special board meeting that she called, the Exec Comm was given a list of documents for her to produce. She tried to give us her resignation at the meeting but we refused it, so instead she went home that evening and posted her resignation on our private group. The shit hit the fan by Team T members, and we were called liars, racists, dishonest, and a bunch of other things I don't even remember. We were left hanging to explain to the members that she had embezzled over $50,000 in the last year and a half, and that's a far back as we went. But we're the bad guys. This is a group I have, and continue to, pour my heart and soul and energy and money into.

My brother is talking to my mother's financial advisor and an attorney next week about my idiot sister bleeding her dry. My mom, like many elderly people, does an inordinate amount of worrying about being broke before she dies. And she's going to be if we can't get a handle on my sister. Bro-in-law has no job, and hasn't since a couple of months after they bought their house. He's pretty much bedridden at this point from depression, but rather than get his ass to a doc or the VA my sister just takes off for days at a time to visit friends out of town, while driving their practically-new van that my son let slip that my mom had co-signed for. She has full on line access to her banking and bills, doesn't hesitate to hold out her hand for the credit card or a check and is still on a fucking allowance at 61 years old! She's also trying to isolate my mother from my brother and me, but not my other idiot sister in Memphis. My brother doesn't suffer fools lightly and he's already been through this once when his mother-in-law died and his wife's idiot sister tried to steal her inheritance. My idiot sister "has a job" my mother says. She cooks for 2 families. I doubt that even pays their light bill.

And last (I hear you all heaving a sigh of relief) but most definitely not least, I HATE MY HAIR! When I started chemo last year, I had 37" of long, wavy, thick hair cut off in preparation for losing it. It grew back curly. Like a poodle's ass curly. The curls lasted for about 2 inches then it appears to have started growing straight, so what I have now is one of those rainbow colored clown wigs sitting on top of my head, except mine is brown and grey. Nothing I do to it seems to work but I feel extremely guilty to even consider getting it cut. I know it sounds odd, but I spent months sitting in waiting rooms with women whose hair never grew back, much less as fast as mine has. It just feels wrong somehow, but I'm almost at the point that I don't care. I'm ready for it to be gone. Not shaved, just the curly part cut off.

Thank you attending my TED talk.

p.s. This is mostly just venting on my part so don't feel you need to respond. Just getting it out there has already improved my mood.

p.p.s. Red Velvet in the back room. What's a party without cake!

[sugar magnolia]

p.p.p.s. For the first time in over a year, my chemo port hurts because we kept the Marvelous Marley Jane all weekend and she learned a new word. "Button." Due to my weight loss, the port is pretty prominent and it was great fun for her to poke at.

[bill_g]

Good morning Sugar. No way we are not going to respond. That's some heavy stuff. It will take me a bit to digest. I have my own bucket of crap to carry around. But, I'll gladly put it down to listen to you for a while. I must say you sound good. Despite it all, you have a very healthy attitude. It's admirable and beautiful. I need a dose of that. Big hugs little sister.

[Slim Cognito]

[Foggy]

Oh man, red velvet.

[Foggy]

Yeah, I'm snarky. I'm even kinda sorta involved in the story, but I am going to comment only upon the hair, in the knowledge that discussing a lady's hair can be ... a mistake.

But I am an expert on hating my hair, because I have always hated my hair. It's too curly. It sticks out. I inherited it from my alcoholic bitch mother, and she had it so bad her nickname since college was "Wooly". At her funeral there were people who didn't know her by any other name.

I tried hair straighteners for black people once, a hundred years ago. Didn't work.

Now half or more is gone, and I have to cut it to 1/2" so I don't look like half-bald Bride of Frankenstein.

I hate my hair with a purple passion.

Now, where's that red velvet, I'm a hungry boy!

[Uninformed]

Hi Sugar. That’s an awful lot of issues to deal with at the same time, not surprised you stayed awake. As you say it’s a good approach to not worry about things that you can do nothing about, but, as I know, it’s easier said than done especially when it affects those you love and care about. That you continue you to care for others when you already have more than enough to deal with says a lot about you.

[tek]

Don't know what else to say.. that's too much for one person..

[tek]

Any chance for COBRA from your husband's retirement to cover the gap?

might be too late if at all

[Foggy]

Ol' Wifehorn says: Call the Dept. of Insurance today and see if they have a Consumer Help division or sumpin'. I mean, it sounds like the insurance company is trying, but maybe not hard enough?

[Foggy]

OMG I should have cut it off when I was 13 and kept it short throughout the hippy years. It's actually made of steel wool, you could cut it off and knit a stove or sumpin'.

hippie.jpg

.

Sugar, my love, gaze upon the horrible hair and feel better por favor, because your hair can't possibly be any worse.