SovCit Financial Frauds & Related Shenanigans (HATJ & RKB)

[TheNewSaint]

The Island of Doctor Taitz

[Notorial Dissent]

I've just got an idea for a horror movie - Orly fixes Gavin's teeth.

The question is, horror for who?

[DejaMoo]

I've just got an idea for a horror movie - Orly fixes Gavin's teeth.

Yes, YES! And somewhere in there, throw in the obligatory T&A scene with Heather and Cindy workin' at Harvey's car wash, and the two of them luring unsuspecting men onto the magical water-powered sex bus, where instead of getting a good time, they're harangued about DO-ing and BE-ing and being slaves to the banksters.

Oh, and mebbe we could have us a scene from a western, where a bunch of wannabe cowboys dressed in their real work attire and caped with blue tarps find priceless Indian artifacts and shit all over them.

Folks, I think we've got a treatment. Is Mel Brooks still directing?

[NotaPerson]

I've just got an idea for a horror movie - Orly fixes Gavin's teeth.

Yes, YES! And somewhere in there, throw in the obligatory T&A scene with Heather and Cindy workin' at Harvey's car wash, and the two of them luring unsuspecting men onto the magical water-powered sex bus, where instead of getting a good time, they're harangued about DO-ing and BE-ing and being slaves to the banksters.

Oh, and mebbe we could have us a scene from a western, where a bunch of wannabe cowboys dressed in their real work attire and caped with blue tarps find priceless Indian artifacts and shit all over them.

Folks, I think we've got a treatment. Is Mel Brooks still directing?

I think I'd prefer David Lynch handle this one.

[TheNewSaint]

A black comedy about sovcits would be perfect for the Coen brothers.

In fact, on Quatloos we've already started casting:

Billy Bob Thornton as Randy Beane
Katharine Keener as Heather Anne Tucci-Jarraf
Frances McDormand as Sheila

I'm imagining a "Its A Mad Mad Mad Mad World" kind of plot, where all these disparate little groups are working with and against each other to find the secret treasury accounts.

[Grumpy Old Guy]

Title:

The Search for the Holy Bail

[RoadScholar]

I've just got an idea for a horror movie - Orly fixes Gavin's teeth.

Yes, YES! And somewhere in there, throw in the obligatory T&A scene with Heather and Cindy workin' at Harvey's car wash, and the two of them luring unsuspecting men onto the magical water-powered sex bus, where instead of getting a good time, they're harangued about DO-ing and BE-ing and being slaves to the banksters.

Oh, and mebbe we could have us a scene from a western, where a bunch of wannabe cowboys dressed in their real work attire and caped with blue tarps find priceless Indian artifacts and shit all over them.

Folks, I think we've got a treatment. Is Mel Brooks still directing?

I think I'd prefer David Lynch handle this one.

"Retainerhead?"

[Resume18]

Originally I was going with Beaner and Tooch: A Grifter's Tale but now I like The Marrakesh-Knoxville Express.

[TheNewSaint]

Here's my "very loosely based on a true story" movie script:

People all over the country are looking for the secret to accessing their secret treasury account. Randy Beane posts on social media that he found his, and will be buying a $500,000 RV with cash the next day. Heather Anne Tucci Jarraf, Harvey Dent, Gavin Seim, and Karl Koenigs all independently set out for an RV lot in eastern Tennessee, in search of the secret. Also going to Tennessee is the FBI, with plans to arrest Randy.

Randy brings a suitcase, the contents of which are unseen, to buy the RV. Our main characters are watching the transaction from various hiding places. After coming out of the sales office and climbing into the drivers seat, Randy has a massive heart attack and dies.

Heather, thinking quickly, charges out of the bushes and claims to be Randy's attorney. She quizzes the RV dealer in hopes of finding out how he withdrew the money.

Harvey Dent sneaks into the office in hopes of stealing the suitcase, but takes the wrong case. It contains evidence implicating the RV lot in a bribery scheme with a local judge whose name is also Harvey Dent.

When the paramedics arrive to remove Randy's corpse, Gavin Seim aggressively gets in their face with his camera, demanding information about the deceased.

In the confusion, Karl Koenigs' custom op-vec is driven off by an employee who mistakenly thinks it belongs to the RV lot. Karl can provide no proof of ownership, and can't reclaim it.

The FBI agents remain hidden and just observe all this.

Heather goes to Washington, D.C. to meet with President Donald Trump about the secret accounts. While waiting outside the White House, she meets BZ Riger, and the two inadvertently start a new age spiritual movement. Middle-aged women, led by Shiela, begin following her around.

The lot owner hides Randy's briefcase in Karl's truck, thinking it's the Harvey Dent briefcase.

A very dishonestly edited version of Gavin's video goes viral. The FBI agents realize his behavior gives them a valid pretext to arrest Gavin. They think interviewing him will begin to unravel whats going on, so they seek a warrant for his arrest.

Harvey Dent goes to the late Randy's apartment, in hopes of finding information on his computer. Karl, now homeless and living by the pool of this complex, sees him go in and out.

Heather hangs around the White House for multiple days demanding a meeting with Trump, becoming enough of a nuisance that she gets arrested.

Gavin is brought to a local police station for questioning. The FBI agents only want to pump him for information about the overall caper, but Gavin is terrified he will go to jail for harassing the ambulance workers. He provides no useful information, but leaves his phone behind. The FBI thinks an unedited video off the phone might be useful, but can't unlock the phone.

Harvey calls a press conference to announce he has uncovered the secret of accessing TDA accounts, and will reveal it to the world live tomorrow. The Harvey Dent suitcase is visible in the background.

The lot owner, now unsure which case he has, drives to the RV lot to confirm this.

Gavin decides to flee prosecution and go to Mexico. He goes to the RV lot and buys Karl's op-vec, which still contains Randy's briefcase. The lot employee sells it, thinking this will be a windfall for the company. The lot owner arrives just in time to see the op-vec leave, and berates the employee. Karl and his daughter show up with legitimate title to the op-vec, and demand its return. The lot owner lamely explains it's off being washed, and he'll have it tomorrow.

Heather goes to an identity hearing in Washington, at which she repeatedly claims to be the source of all that is. After a long Q and A with the judge, he releases her as a harmless nut. Heather's throng of followers see this as a miracle; Heather is increasingly annoyed by their presence. They all head for Tennessee.

Just as Karl leaves the RV lot, judge H. William Dent arrives, demanding his bribe for acquitting the lot owner in a wrongful death case. The lot owner has to give him the cash the employee made selling the op-vec to Gavin, as a partial payment.

The next day, Harvey Dent holds his press conference. Heather and her throng, the FBI agents, lot owner, Judge Dent and Karl are all in attendance. He shows how to navigate an ordinary government website, and enter numbers in each place. It really doesn't tell us anything. He says "and now, the secret ingredient, which I have right here in this case...' He opens it and reads aloud: "look at this: a check for $500,000 payable to... Harvey Dent!"

Judge Dent shouts "My name is Harvey Dent! You stole that from my secret account! Arrest him!" The local police, recognizing the judge, do so.

Heather, the lot owner, FBI agents, and Karl all piece together whats going on. They all head to Mexico in search of Karl's truck. Heather wants the remainder of the secret account formula; Karl wants his truck back; the lot owner wants to recover Randy's payment; and the agents want to close the case.

In a montage, they follow the Seims all the way to Queretaro, making various unsuccessful attempts to steal back what they want.

Gavin is pulled over by the Mexican police. He thinks they just want to talk, but they demand a large bribe. Gavin doesn't take the demand seriously and is arrested. The op-vec is taken to an impound lot.

Heather sneaks into the impound lot to steal the briefcase from the op-vec. The vehicle starts and drives off with her in it; Karl is driving. He rudely demands to leave and is also arrested.

At the jail, the FBI agents offer to bail out Gavin if he will give them his phone password. It is "12345." There is a video of Gavin dancing seductively for his wife, a la Beverly D'Angelo. It becomes an even greater viral hit than his earlier video. Karl also bails out. They all head for the impound lot. They recover the op-vec, but no briefcase.

Across the street, in a huge field surrounded by hypnotized, toga-wearing followers, Heather is speaking into a microphone. Camera crews are present. "Today i will reveal the secret of the hidden treasury accounts!" She says. "And the secret is..."

Heather opens the brief case, finds the first page, and reads aloud: "I am the power of I am I be..."

Fade to black.

While still black, we hear Heather's followers chant "I am the power of I am I be."

[Orlylicious]

That was awesome Saint! That should get made.

[TheNewSaint]

That was awesome Saint! That should get made.

Thanks! The story needs a lot of tightening, but for a quick rough draft, I'm pleased with it.

[EastStander]

I couldn't sleep last night, so much against my better judgement, I went to I-UV.com to see what the girls are up to. I selected one of BZ's entries at random, and tried to concentrate. It was headed "Reversal of the Polls ... Doom Destruction... Critical Mass and Metaphor?..." Apparently the poles are going to reverse themselves. How or why I never learned.

BZ Riger, Sheila Corona, and the other one who doesn't say very much are in earnest conversation. As usual, there is a lot of uproarious cackling and laughter at nothing that is funny. Plus it seems de rigeur to take a swig from massive water bottles every couple of minutes. BZ monopolizes the 'conversation'. Sheila nods wisely, and keeps saying: "right... right..." I get the impression though that Sheila hasn't a clue what BZ is talking about. It's difficult to overstate the sheer amount of meaningless babble and blather that goes on in these web casts, but here's a flavour, just part of a statement by BZ:

"So, one way to hold that is, um... if, if there are - if we are gonna go with us and them, right, we are gonna go with a linear... linear perspective, so, you know, they are thrashing about, they are fighting tooth and nail, to hang on, they're trying to censor different things,they're trying to, you know, throw out campaign in whatever way to kind of push truth away, you know you could go on that thread, you know, come up with a whole host of things, related to a whole host of topics right, in an us and them kind of way. And because we are at the - so before when we were talking about the pole shift, it's coming, it's gonna happen, you gonna see it, and oftentimes it was described as, you know, what did I say? Doom and destruction and all that kind of stuff because, you know, the world's gonna flip, and oh my god..."

This heap of mumbo jumbo goes on for 25 minutes, but at this point my eyes became heavy, and I started to feel sleepy. Mission accomplished!

[EastStander]

Sorry - don't know where the italics came from!

[Sam the Centipede]

Excellent TNS! Thank you for writing and sharing.

But so many characters are absent !!

Of course the Wacky Races theme works, with Karl's op-vec pimped to the max and Heather's water-powered sex bus, decorated with images of overly sensitive giraffes. Surely the bus must break down in the middle of the desert by a gas station where the gang have to buy soft drinks at an exorbitant price, twenty times the cost of gas, to refuel?

Tresa and her Incontinental Marshalls bumble around in ill-fitting braid-encrusted uniforms and are lost from the plot in the same desert when they do a Chinese fire drill on their Keystone Kops vehicle but it rolls away (no hand brake?) into a ravine and explodes most massively. Thirsty, the Martians trudge on, but the isolated gas station they reach has no water or drinks because Heather's gang bought them all twenty minutes earlier, and the owner is on his way to Florida with a mountain of Heather's cash. A few of the Incontinental Marshalls struggle further and they think they have found blessed salvation at a water melon plantation, only to be chased off by gun-totin' cowboys, who emerge from a trench where they were having a communal shit and praying to their god, Ammon Ra.

Perhaps an opening (pre-titles?) sequence could have Heather, Cindy and Anna emulating the witches from Macbeth, or more contempoporarapily Magrat, Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax? Witch Heather in 1960s flower power gear, Witch Cindy in a pair of floral drapes (with obvious pelmet and draw-strings, Witch Anna in well-tailored beige which, on closer examination, is fabric from Iowa potato sacks, reversed.

Title? No idea! Yes, it could bd called No Idea!

[ArthurWankspittle]

Originally I was going with Beaner and Tooch: A Grifter's Tale but now I like The Marrakesh-Knoxville Express.

"Plan 9 from outer my ass"

[Estiveo]

[RoadScholar]

Originally I was going with Beaner and Tooch: A Grifter's Tale but now I like The Marrakesh-Knoxville Express.

"Plan 9 from outer my ass"

That’s it! Ed Wood.

Trump does government like Ed Wood did movies.

[Resume18]

I couldn't sleep last night, so much against my better judgement, I went to I-UV.com to see what the girls are up to. I selected one of BZ's entries at random, and tried to concentrate. It was headed "Reversal of the Polls ... Doom Destruction... Critical Mass and Metaphor?..." Apparently the poles are going to reverse themselves. How or why I never learned.

BZ Riger, Sheila Corona, and the other one who doesn't say very much are in earnest conversation. As usual, there is a lot of uproarious cackling and laughter at nothing that is funny. Plus it seems de rigeur to take a swig from massive water bottles every couple of minutes. BZ monopolizes the 'conversation'. Sheila nods wisely, and keeps saying: "right... right..." I get the impression though that Sheila hasn't a clue what BZ is talking about. It's difficult to overstate the sheer amount of meaningless babble and blather that goes on in these web casts, but here's a flavour, just part of a statement by BZ:

"So, one way to hold that is, um... if, if there are - if we are gonna go with us and them, right, we are gonna go with a linear... linear perspective, so, you know, they are thrashing about, they are fighting tooth and nail, to hang on, they're trying to censor different things,they're trying to, you know, throw out campaign in whatever way to kind of push truth away, you know you could go on that thread, you know, come up with a whole host of things, related to a whole host of topics right, in an us and them kind of way. And because we are at the - so before when we were talking about the pole shift, it's coming, it's gonna happen, you gonna see it, and oftentimes it was described as, you know, what did I say? Doom and destruction and all that kind of stuff because, you know, the world's gonna flip, and oh my god..."

This heap of mumbo jumbo goes on for 25 minutes, but at this point my eyes became heavy, and I started to feel sleepy. Mission accomplished!

They drink a lot of water, for some new-agey reason. I watched some of this as well and you are spot on as to the levels of piffle, woo and general hooey. I guess they imagine themselves as disseminators of some sort of deep understanding and vision, but the effluent that flows from their mouths doesn't even reach the level of a deepity, Dan Dennett's useful term for similar blather. It was the talk of an upcoming pole shift made me take leave, not for the sheer idiocy of the notion, but the awful mental image of these three spinning around one. And now you have that image as well.

Sorry.

[Gregg]

For the end all and be all of "Pole Shift" nonsense, I humbly submit, Nancy Lieder



You have been warned, keyboards need to be protected

strap yourself in for what could take months to properly survey.

[TheNewSaint]

Nancy Lieder? That old fruitbat is still around?

[DejaMoo]

Originally I was going with Beaner and Tooch: A Grifter's Tale but now I like The Marrakesh-Knoxville Express.

"Plan 9 from outer my ass"

We Haz A Weiner!

Too, also, could the treatment incorporate a subplot about a bunch of cowboy wannabes, who, convinced that the gold from the secret treasury accounts is stashed in the Lost Dutchman Mine, which they confuse with the Sugar Pine Mine, promptly occupy the mine and claim it as their own?

While they're at that, a band of Moorish Nationals shows up and occupies all the cowboy wannebes homes and businesses, claiming them as their own. To help the cowboy wannabes handle the Moors, the Lone Stranger (from Hyde, NY) rolls into town and convenes a Sovereign Grand Jury at the local Dennys, complete with Olde English indictments. But the Moors bring in another hired gun, this one from Florida, who forms his own Grand Jury and counter-indicts the loser cowboys. Both sides, having nothing but papers and no means to enforce them, summon the Continental Marshalls to come sort it all out, leading to a riotous showdown between the Marshalls, the wannabe cowboys, and the Moorish Nationals.

Off Topic

This is becoming akin to a RonCo commercial: But wait! There's more!

[TheNewSaint]

My Heather biopic would be entitled The Source Of All That Is. Or maybe just Praecipe!

HATJ would make a great movie character, for the same reasons she's so interesting to us: does this woman really believe the baloney that comes out of her mouth? As we saw, the answer is yes. She rode the crazy train all the way to her own destruction. Definitely a tale of hubris.

[boots]

As amusing as that story would be, the actual true facts of the OPPT saga are bizarre enough to be thoroughly entertaining without embellishment.

[GlimDropper]

Too, also, could the treatment incorporate a subplot about a bunch of cowboy wannabes, who, convinced that the gold from the secret treasury accounts is stashed in the Lost Dutchman Mine, which they confuse with the Sugar Pine Mine, promptly occupy the mine and claim it as their own?

While they're at that, a band of Moorish Nationals shows up and occupies all the cowboy wannebes homes and businesses, claiming them as their own. To help the cowboy wannabes handle the Moors, the Lone Stranger (from Hyde, NY) rolls into town and convenes a Sovereign Grand Jury at the local Dennys, complete with Olde English indictments. But the Moors bring in another hired gun, this one from Florida, who forms his own Grand Jury and counter-indicts the loser cowboys. Both sides, having nothing but papers and no means to enforce them, summon the Continental Marshalls to come sort it all out, leading to a riotous showdown between the Marshalls, the wannabe cowboys, and the Moorish Nationals.

It would take some clever writing but I'd love to see some sort of "breaking the fourth wall" element employed here.

[TheNewSaint]

As amusing as that story would be, the actual true facts of the OPPT saga are bizarre enough to be thoroughly entertaining without embellishment.

Yup. You couldn't invent characters like these; nobody would believe them. But they really exist.

Which is why the sovcit movement fascinates me. It's sort of my reality show. Striving, backstabbing, greedy, awful people, concocting ridiculous schemes and alliances, who mostly get their just desserts in the end.